Attack Of The Terns!

☀ by Stewie in Travel and tagged Culture, My Life, Travel | 2 Comments

: The satanist church at Budir… Just kidding, it was Christian

Tour of Iceland: Budir, Vatnes, Budardalur, Blonduos, Glaumbaer, Akureyri

Disaster! We had just been informed that another volcanic eruption had caused a massive glacier to float down from a mountain and take out a bridge in the south of Iceland, meaning that the ring road around the island would be closed for 3 weeks, thereby scuppering our planned circular route and meaning that we would have to double back at roughly halfway around. Then the starter motor didn’t work on our hire car…

After a lengthy delay a replacement car had arrived, so Big Boy and I set off once again, chuckling at having found out that the word for ‘bye’ in Icelandic is ‘bless’. Ahh, how sweet! Continue reading →

Strongmen and Geek Chic

☀ by Stewie in Travel and tagged Culture, Humour, My Life, Travel | 7 Comments

Hallgrimskirja church in Reykjavik

Tour of Iceland: Reykjavik, Golden Circle, Borganes

Another year, another tour, this time to the land of fire and ice, accompanied by a close friend of a whole 6 months, who I have socialised with only around 10 times. But he was up for the adventure, so the plans were made. He will go by the name of Big Boy to preserve his anonymity and with good reason too.

As we went through airport security we encountered flashy new automated scanners. I whizzed through effortlessly, but turned around to see Big Boy looking puzzled. He saw the notice that read “Face down” and wrongly assumed that he should place his face over the scanner, rather than holding his passport there! I just wish more people were there to witness such hilarity. Alas, that was the end of the good humour as we discovered a long flight delay was in store.

When we finally landed in Reykjavik we experienced a disorientating lack of darkness, even at 4am. It just seemed like dusk as we headed through the barren volcanic landscape to the city. Continue reading →

First Anniversary

☀ by Stewie in That's Life! and tagged Humour, My Life | 24 Comments

This month sees the first anniversary of the creation of This Little Thing Called Life. Those eagle-eyed among you may have noticed that there are several posts dating from a few years back, but they were in fact published within the last year and I simply backdated them to when they were originally spawned. I’m pedantic like that.

What started out as Stewie On Life with a few random travel, dating and email hacker articles has evolved to what you see now; a site that is officially ranked 4,276,610th in the world by Alexa.com. I’m nearly lost for words. Never in my wildest dreams would I have expected to break into the top 5 million websites out of, probably, 2 trillion websites currently in cyberspace.

And to all the Canadians out there, I salute you! You’ve helped to make this site 102,809th most popular site in your country. And for that, I can finally forgive your country for giving birth to Alanis Morissette, Celine Dion and Bryan Adams – his song ‘Everything I do, I do it for Stew’ stayed at number 1 in the UK singles chart for SEVENTEEN WEEKS DAMN IT! Continue reading →

The Unofficial Tube Guide

☀ by Stewie in That's Life! and tagged Culture, Humour | 12 Comments

The London Underground, a.k.a. The Tube, is the world’s oldest subterranean train network and essential for the daily drone-like commute of thousands of unhappy people every day. I say ‘unhappy’ as, despite the many positive aspects of the network of eleven lines and 270 stations, travelling on The Tube can be fraught with perils for unsuspecting tourists.

And I’m not just referring to THE GAP. The most important thing to be aware of before venturing into the depths of the Underground, THE GAP is what most Londoners fear the most. This notorious space between the train and the platform may only be a couple of inches in places, varying up to, er, several inches in other places, but it has mysterious magnetic forces that can catch unsuspecting travellers unaware. In fact many men are lost each year to THE GAP, having underestimated how much two inches actually is. Their girlfriends survive.

Do you have an Oyster Card? Of course not, you have no intention of buying shellfish. But it’s not used for that silly! It’s a swipe card that provides a cheap way to travel. It is designed to malfunction at peak periods for no apparent reason, thus causing commuters to back up behind you thinking you’re too poor to top up the credit. This is normal. Simply rotate the card clockwise, then anti-clockwise… then clockwise again. And take a step back before firmly pushing the card against the sensor. It knows if you are not trying. Continue reading →

Thoughts To Ponder

☀ by Stewie in That's Life! and tagged Culture, Humour | 6 Comments

Rhetorical questions from viral emails, word-of-mouth & my own mind

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Who is Pandora and, pardon me, but isn’t it a bit rude to talk about opening her box?

Why does Donald Duck reach for a towel when he steps out of the shower when he never wears trousers anyway?

What is the opposite of speaking in tongues? Is it speaking in tongue, or perhaps speaking in Tongan?

Would the USA be safer if they gave people the right to arm bears?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough?

Why did World War 2 Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Continue reading →

Pet Hates Of The Office

☀ by Stewie in Random Rants and tagged Culture, Humour | 14 Comments

: Any questions?

The office joker – Usually a man, he loves to be centre of attention and is blissfully unaware that some jokes are inappropriate or corny. He establishes pecking order by talking at the speed (and volume) of gunfire to ensure that no-one else can steal the limelight; he doesn’t like others to be funny. He is guaranteed to wear a ‘comedy’ tie to the office Christmas party, probably featuring Homer Simpson. He often mentions his housemate yet he secretly lives his with mother. Riddle me that funny man.

The officious manager – He really loves showing you who’s the boss. Know your place underling. Tells you that to be promoted you have to start acting like a manager yet he withholds responsibility like Gollum covets the ring. Questions whether you really have the drive to do well for this company. You mentally envisage whether you could drive a staple between his eyes and claim temporary insanity. His work/life seesaw balance is tipped so far in favour of work that life’s innocent and playful child that is inside us all is left dangling 10 ft up crying for mummy. He wants staff to be automatons; his ideal team member would be C3PO or possibly Twiki from Buck Rogers in the 25th Century (agreeable and doesn’t answer back). Continue reading →

Stop Surprise Encounters With Naked Men

☀ by Stewie in Random Rants and tagged Culture, Humour | 11 Comments

: “Well, that was a good workout!“

Arguably, there is little on God’s majestic Earth that is more ugly than the sight of a man’s naked body. Especially a body that appears out of nowhere, confidently striding across everyone’s eyelines, as I enter my gym’s changing room, looking for a spot facing the wall.

No, this isn’t merely an encounter with someone who is getting changed. These men are lurkers.They are far too comfortable in their own skin. They gladly let it all hang out. They don’t feel shame in their bodies and seem to have missed the unwritten social rule that says ‘one must change as swiftly as possible, so as to avoid inflicting one’s dangly bits on an unsuspecting fellow gym attendee’. There, it’s written now, God dammit. Continue reading →