A while back I received several calls from friends who were checking if I was in trouble, as they had received an email asking for money to bail ‘me’ out of trouble whilst on holiday in Nigeria (!). Despite such an elaborate scam, they quickly realised that I had been the victim of an email hacker. What follows is my attempt at revenge, pretending to be ‘Dad’, trying to lure the hacker into having an inane conversation which would ultimately annoy him as much as possible and amuse me! These are copies of the actual emails that were sent.
Subject: An emergency
To: All contacts
Date: Saturday, 9 August, 1:30 PM
I am in a hurry witting this,I had a trip to Nigeria,Unfortunately for me all my money got stolen at the hotel where i lodged from the attack of some armed robbers and since then i have been without any money and i am even owing the hotel here,so the hotel telephone service is disconnected,so i have only access to emails,my mobile phone cant work here so i didn’t bring it along, please can you lend me 1200pounds so i can return back and settle the hotel bills,i would return it back to you as soon as i get home, I am so confused right now. Continue reading
Looking good for 55 years old
Spam Fighting Again
I received a curious email from a member of the US Army stationed in Iraq who needed someone trustworthy to act as an intermediary to aid in the transit of some money that he had found in an ‘unusual bulge’. Of course, I was only too willing to offer my help to a hero of the war on terror, this time assuming the character of my gay alter-ego (a couple of the emails are abridged for clarity).
Date: Thu, 1 Apr 2011 14:03:19 +0800
Subject: SGT Joe Martins
Permit the manner with which I am seeking your assistance but I am short of options and have no other choice.I am Joseph martin from Denver(COLORADO), an army contractor attached to the US Military force in Iraq [well then why is your email 8 hours ahead of UK time? That’s strange as Iraq is only 2 hours ahead of the UK. Maybe he’s taken a trip to the Far East]. Continue reading
One of Apostle Jack’s paintings
Recently I had the good fortune to encounter a self-proclaimed messenger of God on the WordPress forum, who had submitted several posts in an effort to publicise his mission. He urged me to visit his blog for an in depth discussion. Who am I to turn down such a glorious opportunity? I dusted down the cape, visited his blog and read this post ‘The Last One’:
“I am the LAST of the MAJOR CELESTIAL SPIRITS OF THE ALMIGHTY’S ETERNAL GODHEAD that was chosen and appointed by Him to come forth to receive:”The Passing of the Staff”.
The Passing of the Staff is a Biblical order of the next in line system,of which system is a lenage that the Almighty arranged for certain Major Spirits to come forth IN TURN,and at the TIME APPOINTED to FULFILL…to UVEIL…and to PROPHESY.
After which presentation and purpose thereof have been fulfill the staff is then in readiness to be pass to the next in line.Of which Major Celestial Spirits arranged and appointed by THE ALMIGHTY I am the next and THE LAST ONE that was chosen , appointed,and PREDESTINATED by Him TO COME FORTH TO THE WORLD.” Continue reading
The second installment of emails from Natalya the online scammer and my online alias of Duke Marmaduke. This won’t really make much sense if you haven’t read part one, so read it here before reading part two.
Hello my lovely Duke!!!!!
I’m happy to receive a letter from you! I miss your letters and your words. And if it happens that i don’t find any new letters from you, i open your previous letters and read them again. So can you, write to me so often as you can? Just take a minute and write me a line or two. Continue reading
Natalya, looking sweet and lovely
Ever wondered how long it would take for an internet dating scammer to get to the the request for money, and how they would fashion a believable story? I have. So after one such email made it through our ‘tough’ security at work and straight into my inbox [!], I assumed the identity of a reserved English Duke to find out. Some emails are edited as they were longer than a snake on a bungee jump.
Howdy, i am Natalya and i want to talk with you! I found your e-mail thru a dating site so i thought, why don’t i give it a try 😉 I want to to find a good buddy, a man, maybe a lover.
yep, i used to talk about love and erotic themes straightly Continue reading
Recently I challenged an online psychic to give me a reading. Here it is, and remember, this woman was recommended on an online forum, so surely she should be accurate, right? Hmm… let’s see.
Firstly, I would say that I feel you spending a lot of time at the computer [No shit, who doesn’t these days?]. Very much as if it is your own world. I would like to see you interacting face-to-face with people as this will definitely benefit you and also balance you. I feel that this time at the computer is a form of escapism [It’s mostly for work] which is good, but only in small doses.
We briefly discussed your flatmate, I feel he has a lot of negativity [No he doesn’t] but also suppressed rage [He’s a laid-back Norwegian] to do with his parents and his relationship with his father seems to be very complicated [He is on good terms with his Dad]. I almost have the sense they did not know each other very well [Your ‘sense’ is wrong]. Continue reading
I’ve got absolutely no time for fortune tellers, psychics or whatever they want to call themselves. There is absolutely no evidence to back up their ludicrous claims and most simply prey on the vulnerable. To me they do nothing but fill the world with ‘spam’ by giving false hope. But, as I’m a hypocrite and willing to give anything a try once, I contacted one that had been recommended online.
Subject: Email reading
I saw your contact details listed on the forum of Sofeminine.co.uk – obviously I’m not feminine but I’m in touch with my feminine side. Nothing wrong with that. I’m not embarrassed.
It’s perfectly normal. Lots of men are like that. Anyway, I was wondering about the logistics of your email sessions. Do you charge £25 for the whole email correspondence, as if it was a long conversation? Or would it simply be one email from you and that’s it? No replies allowed, no dialogue. Which would be very expensive!
I look forward to your reply.
Stewie Continue reading