Rhetorical questions from viral emails, word-of-mouth & my own mind

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Who is Pandora and, pardon me, but isn’t it a bit rude to talk about opening her box?

Why does Donald Duck reach for a towel when he steps out of the shower when he never wears trousers anyway?

What is the opposite of speaking in tongues? Is it speaking in tongue, or perhaps speaking in Tongan?

Would the USA be safer if they gave people the right to arm bears?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough?

Why did World War 2 Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up every two hours?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for ‘abled’ people at the Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say: “I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”

Who was the first person to say: “See that chicken there… I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes out of its bum.”

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, unfit for human consumption?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on…

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, it gets mad at you, but when you take it on a car ride, it sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

And finally, a thought from President Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865): ‘If I had eight hours to chop down a tree, I’d spend six sharpening my axe.’

Personally, if I had eight hours to chop down a tree, I’d pop down to the local hardware store, buy a chainsaw, then spend the rest of the day in the pub, watching the football.