I’m sick of it. I swear, if one more foreigner complains about the weather in the UK, I might just scream. We know that when it’s summer it should be sunny and warm. We understand that you are unhappy with the unpredictable nature of the weather. We don’t like it either. We also realise, that where you come from has much better weather. Bully for you. You do understand that we have no control over our weather patterns, right? If you persist with your complaining we may just forcefully kick your butt back to whichever utopian paradise you claim as your own.Usain Bolt was recently asked what he thought of the UK. “It’s alright, apart from the weather”, he said. Thanks for that Usain.

It’s a bit like me saying that Jamaica is alright apart from the poverty and fear of violent crime. Why dwell on the negative aspects of a country? I wouldn’t go there expecting anything less than extreme contrasts between downtown Kingston and the safe luxury tourist areas for the affluent locals and visitors. But at least it’s sunny.

I work with an American girl who comments on the weather literally every day, comparing it with New York. In May when the UK experienced an end to the so-called ‘drought’ conditions of the previous 18 months with rain not seen since Noah went on a cruise, she felt compelled to ask every English person in sight, accusingly: “Why is it raining so much? I’m DROOOWNNNING!” Okay, she didn’t say the last part, but the implication was there.

Apparently, during the less than seasonal UK weather in early summer, the east coast of the US was experiencing a heatwave. I know this because bloody Suzanne Charlton sat behind me kept giving me daily updates. Yet when our weather returned to the usual unpredictable few days nice, couple of days cloudy, one week hot etcetera, etcetera, she made no mention of Hurricane Isaac depositing large amounts of rain and strong winds back in the US.

What do these people expect when they travel to the UK? I didn’t go to Iceland expecting tropical conditions, so when it was a pleasant 18C and sunny I was happy. It’s got to the point now, that I feel I can no longer suffer in silence. I must either educate people who have plainly never looked at where the UK is situated on a globe, or, if my temper gets the better of me, tell these weather whingers to f*** off back home if it’s so great there.

For the record, London’s co-ordinates are 51.5171° N, 0.1062° W. This is roughly level with Calgary, Canada. New York city is about level with Madrid, Spain. Yes, that’s right, southern Europe. Not northern Europe. My colleague has been told.

The UK sits underneath competing weather systems bringing cold air from the Arctic or warmer air from the south; the result of which is an unpredictable climate, so it should really be no surprise to encounter four seasons in one day, from time to time. But at least there’s plenty to do away from the beach. Thousands of years of culture and heritage, and world-class entertainment. Yep, that’ll do.