A while back I received several calls from friends who were checking if I was in trouble, as they had received an email asking for money to bail ‘me’ out of trouble whilst on holiday in Nigeria (!). Despite such an elaborate scam, they quickly realised that I had been the victim of an email hacker. What follows is my attempt at revenge, pretending to be ‘Dad’, trying to lure the hacker into having an inane conversation which would ultimately annoy him as much as possible and amuse me! These are copies of the actual emails that were sent.

From: stewie-yahoo
Subject: An emergency
To: All contacts
Date: Saturday, 9 August, 1:30 PM

Hello,
I am in a hurry witting this,I had a trip to Nigeria,Unfortunately for me all my money got stolen at the hotel where i lodged from the attack of some armed robbers and since then i have been without any money and i am even owing the hotel here,so the hotel telephone service is disconnected,so i have only access to emails,my mobile phone cant work here so i didn’t bring it along, please can you lend me 1200pounds so i can return back and settle the hotel bills,i would return it back to you as soon as i get home, I am so confused right now.You can have it sent through western union, My passport is with the Embassy here so i cant use my name to collect it now but if you want it sent on my name i will have to get my passport from the embassy, But you can have it sent directly to the western union Manager here and i would get it through her as she helps the people here in the hotel to receive the money,I have already spoken to her,please let me hear from you so i can collect her full name and address where you can send the money today please.
I am waiting for your reply.
Thank you.
BEST REGARDS.
Stewart

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From: stewie-Hotmail
Subject: I can send the money – Dad
To: stewie-yahoo
Date: Monday, 11 August, 9:32 AM

Hi Stewart

Reg told me that you are in trouble so I hope you don’t mind me using your other email account to contact you.

I am worried about you, so send me a photo of your hotel and the Western Union manager just to be sure that I send the money to the right place – there must be lots of similar hotels and Western Unions in Nigeria!

Get back to me asap and I will send the money – take care!

Dad

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Date: Mon, 11 Aug 14:42:54
From: stewie-yahoo
Subject: Re: I can send the money – Dad
To:stewie-hotmail

Hi dad,
Just get the money sent as soon as you can cos i am dip freezing in here this are the details
NAME: COLINA KALLY
CITY: IBADAN
STATE: OYO STATE
ZIPCODE: 23402
COUNTRY: NIGERIA
TEXT QUESTION: WHAT IS THE MONEY SENT FOR
ANSWER: HOTEL BILL
dad please get the money sent asap….I’ll look forward for the ( MTCN ) Money Transfer Control Number and other details to receive the money Hope to read soon

Simon

Stewart

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From: stewie-hotmail
Subject: RE: I can send the money – Dad
To: stewie-yahoo
Date: Monday, 11 August, 3:47 PM

What does ‘dip freezing’ mean?!

Who is Simon?

Why is your passport at the embassy – did you get arrested?

What is the weather like?

Do you need more than £1200? I can send up to £10,000 so you can continue you on your travels.

Dad

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Date: Mon, 11 Aug, 15:08:03
From: stewie-yahoo
Subject: RE: I can send the money – Dad
To: stewie-hotmail

NO….£1200 its the actual amount i needed for now,please go right away to send the money
ooopsss soon

Stewart

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From: stewie-hotmail
Subject: RE: I can send the money – Dad
To: stewie-yahoo
Date: Monday, 11 August, 4:19 PM

Also, while you are at it, I was impressed with your story of your fishing trip with your Nigerian friends. Send me the photo you said you took of your friend Simon holding a big fish. That sounds amazing!

Dad

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Date: Mon, 11 Aug, 15:25:42
From: stewie-yahoo
Subject: RE: I can send the money – Dad
To:stewie-hotmail

cant for now if you really wanna help out,why can’t you just go directly to a WESTERN UNION STORE right away than asking me all the sort of questions( sorry about that )
please go send me the cash now….. ooppppssss

Stewart

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From: stewie-hotmail
Subject: RE: I can send the money – Dad
To: stewie-yahoo
Date: Monday, 11 August, 4:32 PM

Stewart, relax and enjoy the weather! Send me the photo of Simon holding the big fish he caught – it’s the least you can do for expecting me to bail you out of yet another mess. You really need to grow up and take responsibility.

I can’t go to Western Union today, I am tied up in meetings for the next few hours. I will try tomorrow, you will just have to survive another night.

Look forward to seeing the photo!

I will send you £1500 to give you a little extra.

Dad

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Date: Mon, 11 Aug, 18:20:47
From: stewie-yahoo
Subject: Re: I can send the money – Dad
To: stewie-hotmail

Dad,
Thanks for the your care,I really appreciate all your effort to bring me out of here So how is work,I hope all is well over there.Dad for now i dont have any picture of Simon holding a big fish and this is not a joking matter. I told you i am not alright in here so just try as much as you can to get the money sent to me first thing tomorrow morning…..I will appreciate your effort towards what i am passing through so this are the details needed for sending the funds again
NAME: COLINA KALLY
CITY: IBADAN
STATE: OYO STATE
ZIPCODE: 23402
COUNTRY: NIGERIA
TEXT QUESTION: WHAT IS THE MONEY SENT FOR
ANSWER: HOTEL BILL
Dad please get the money sent asap….I’ll look forward for the ( MTCN ) Money Transfer Control Number and other details to receive the money Hope for good news soonest

Thanks
Son

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From: stewie-hotmail
To: stewie-yahoo
Subject: Re: I can send the money – Dad
Date: 11 August, 18:55:34

I told you I was in meetings! How do I know this is not a trick? I hear about these things on the news. I haven’t heard from you for a while, so the least you can do is send me the photo so I know this is really you. You’ve told me a lot about Simon, so it’d be good to see him – I’m not joking!

Have to catch the train now.

Dad

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NO REPLY

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I recovered access to my Yahoo account and discovered that he had set-up a forwarding email address.

From: stewie-hotmail
To: colinaklly@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: I can send the money – Dad
Date: Tue, 12 Aug, 11:36:36

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In addition, I did actually speak to this guy! I used to have my number underneath my signature and during the days when these emails were sent he phoned up and said: “Yo yo, ya got something for me? Where are you?” I said I was in Nigeria and asked if he knew Simon (couldn’t let the ‘Simon’ thing drop, could I?) as I desperately wanted him to send me a picture of someone holding a fish… I did also set him up with a full profile on one fishing website, stating his hobbies as internet fraud and extortion. Hope he enjoyed the fishing newsletters and photos! That’ll teach him to mess with Stewie…