Arguably, there is little on God’s majestic Earth that is more ugly than the sight of a man’s naked body. Especially a body that appears out of nowhere, confidently striding across everyone’s eyelines, as I enter my gym’s changing room, looking for a spot facing the wall.
No, this isn’t merely an encounter with someone who is getting changed. These men are lurkers.They are far too comfortable in their own skin. They gladly let it all hang out. They don’t feel shame in their bodies and seem to have missed the unwritten social rule that says ‘one must change as swiftly as possible, so as to avoid inflicting one’s dangly bits on an unsuspecting fellow gym attendee’. There, it’s written now, God dammit.
Look nude men, no-one wants to see you weighing yourself naked on the scales. Do you really think that discarding underwear will make a difference to your weight? No, I don’t think so. You just love the freeing sensation of cool air conditioning wafting around your balls. You prefer to air-dry your back hair. You take pride in inflicting your sweaty mass on others. You sympathise with the naked rambler, don’t you?
Well, I’ve had enough. It is unacceptable for you to style your hair in the mirror before dressing yourself. You don’t look half as good as you think you do. Even if you did, that’s no excuse. If you’re gay, then fine, but a mainstream gym is not the place to pick up naked, people go there to exercise, not ogle strutting peacocks, so kindly put your ornamental ‘feathers’ away.