And The UK’s Crappiest Town is…

Here's an idea for an unwanted Christmas present for that hard to buy for relative... that you don't like very much.

Here’s an idea for an unwanted Christmas present for that hard to buy for relative… that you don’t like very much.

This week we had a revelation. The UK’s crappest town 2013 was announced… as LONDON. Yes, that’s right, one of the world’s great super-cities, a hub for finance, fashion, the arts, sport and jellied eels was voted for as being the worst part of the UK to live in. Clearly, by village idiots.

Now there are a number of things obviously wrong with this award. Firstly, it is quite apparent to anyone with a rudimentary grasp of geography, that London is a huge, sprawling metropolis. It is not really a town, as such. If you don’t like one part of London, then you really only need to cross a road or two to find a borough more to your liking.

Similarly, the morons who voted for this award also didn’t seem to comprehend that Gibraltar is not actually part of the UK, as it also made the top six. Presumably, they must have travelled there for it to have met with their disapproval, so how the hell did they not realise that they flew over France and Spain before landing?

But, putting aside these technicalities, it seems that there is some genuine hated of London by inhabitants of the UK. So why is this? Can a record 16 million annual tourists be wrong? Of course, there are rough areas with little charm, but how can you tar the whole of London with the same brush?

If you live in Hackney, you will undoubtedly have a different life experience than if you live in Chelsea. In the latter, you will quite possibly drive an expensive 4×4 that has never been taken off-road, apparently because you have children and ‘need’ the space (just how big are your kids?!). Whereas in Hackney, you will simply be glad that your beaten up Nissan Micra still has wheels in the morning.

It’s certainly true that commuting in the rush hour is something akin to hell on Earth, especially during the warmer summer months. But this can be avoided. I cycle or jog to work, or take a bus.

So why dwell on the bad points? The massive plus points of London surely trump London’s minor irritations, which may seem horrible to an outsider, but really don’t take too long to get used to. Many major cities have similar, and often much worse problems.

The reasons why so many people move to London are the career opportunities, higher income, top class sport and world-class social life. You should have no excuse to be too skint to make the most of these, and you certainly should not get bored with what’s on offer, you just need to embrace the variety that’s on offer.

As for voting for London to win the UK’s crappiest town award, if you did that then I suggest that you take off your blinkers and take a long hard look at where you live. Sure, it may be a nice town by the beach or in the countryside, but is that where it’s benefits end? Time to put aside your petty jealousy and big city prejudices.

8 thoughts on “And The UK’s Crappiest Town is…

  1. What in the world is ‘jellied eel’? And do I want to know?
    I think it’s a big city phenomenon, to be hated upon by everyone who are either 1-jealous they can’t live there or 2-living there and are too spoiled by its awesomeness and want more, greener grass. I am a lifetime Muscovite and New Yorker (well, half-life each), so I know 🙂 And compared to the US, for example, London really sticks out as THE city in UK – it’s what, 8 times bigger, population-wise, than the runner-up? so it gets all the hate.
    PS – I very much enjoyed my 2 weeks in London in 2011!

    • Jellied eels are the traditional meal of cockneys in the East End of London. They either eat that or bangers and mash. Then they go down to the local pub to have a sing-a-long around the piano, to such greats as ‘Maybe it’s because I’m a Londoner’ and ‘My old man’s a dustman’.

      • I had bangers and mash in Oxford (it was ok, we have a similar thing in Russia) but I could LOVE on Yorkshire pudding. I am getting chills just thinking about it. So, hold on…jellies eel…I still dont know what that is (granted, there’s Wiki and Google but I’d rather hear it from the horse’s mouth). The only eel I know is the BBQ one in sushi restaurants.

  2. I’ve had jellied eels. The eels are quite nice, but the jelly I could do without. Yorkshire puddings are god’s own gift. They really set up a nice Sunday roast. Finally, in response to the original post, anyone who hates London, hates life.

  3. For anybody interested, the full list is here:

    Now, the list is basically bullshit. I personally wouldn’t want to live in London, but that’s just me. Not criticising the place, I just prefer somewhere a bit quieter! That said, I love visiting London and don’t think it’s that bad a place.

    As somebody local to Southampton, I can’t understand why it’s there. Transport links are fantastic, there’s top class football and cricket in the city, as well as a decent amount of other forms of entertainment and the nightlife is pretty decent as well. It has a couple of rotten areas, but doesn’t every large city?

    Chipping Norton has only been included because David Cameron and Jeremy Clarkson live there. How pathetic! (It’s a lovely little town).

    To include these places, when Littlehampton and Woking aren’t there is stupid. Littlehampton is possibly the most charmless place I have ever visited. A sea of grey, and it’s a town which has literally nothing which makes it stand out other than how fucking dull it is.

    And Woking tries so hard to look like a London suburb, but only succeeds in looking like a washed up dump. Horrid place.

    Bradford though, I can agree on. I spent three weeks there last year on training courses for the job I had at the time, and it’s incredibly rough there.

    • Yes. Southampton is not too bad and York is meant be lovely, so why is that on the list?! It just shows how petty and pathetic the voters were.

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