Author Archives: Stewie

Brick By Name, Brick By Brain?

by in Newsworthy and tagged , | 10 Comments

The unwitting star of the internet this week is the “award-winning” TV producer, writer and journalist Samantha Brick who has managed to alienate almost everyone with her articles on her experiences as a “pretty” woman with “a pleasing smile”.

Her first article for The Mail describes how she regularly has bottles of bubbly sent to her table in restaurants from strangers, whilst other men have presented her with flowers, paid for her taxi fare or bestowed other gifts upon her. And the reason why? Her “lovely looks”.

But all is not well. It seems that other women are envious of her good looks and hold over men. She’s been dropped by friends who are worried that their husbands fancy the idea of cementing a sexual liaison with Brick. And her attractiveness has also caused her to be overlooked for promotion at work. But, worse of all, she has never been asked to be a bridesmaid by her friends. Oh, the horror! Continue reading →

My Girlfriend’s Gay Best Friend

by in Dating Disasters and tagged , | 7 Comments

100% gay. Quite possibly 100% stalker too

I’d been seeing my girlfriend for a few months and things were going okay. Nothing earth moving… but then if I wanted that I’d rent a small JCB. As I love travel, it seemed a great idea for me to suggest a holiday with my girlfriend, especially as we found it hard to spend enough quality time alone together. We opted for the sun, sea and superb nightlife of Ibiza, one of Spain’s Balearic islands.

The plans were left open. There was no reason why we couldn’t invite others. A group holiday would be fun. So I sent out some Facebook invites and left her to speak to her friends, whilst I went on a pre-planned trip to Iceland. She had some concerns about whether she could afford it, but I thought that wouldn’t be a problem. Continue reading →

There’s A Hole In My Pipeline, Dear Liza

by in Newsworthy and tagged , | 5 Comments

One of Thames Valley Water’s reservoirs in Kent

For those who may have missed the news, it appears that the South East of England is suffering from a drought. Stop sniggering at the back. It’s true, our green and pleasant land TM  is now, it seems not so green in certain parts.

At least, that is what Thames Valley Water company would have us believe. It’s been in the news so it must be true. Those of you living outside of the UK may baulk at the suggestion that any area of the UK can possibly experience drought conditions. London records 4.9cm of rainfall per month on average, whilst Dubai has 10.7cm. Per year. And they seem to manage. Continue reading →

Stalk You Long Time

by in Dating Disasters and tagged , , | 10 Comments

Hello! Me again.

We were a few drinks into a night out one balmy February evening, at a massive outside bar in Cha Weng, Koh Samui, one of Thailand’s southern islands. The music was pumping and the hordes of tourists were enjoying the best that Thailand’s nightlife has to offer. Which invariably for some, involves encounters with ladies of the night. But not me. That doesn’t float my boat and I consider if cheating.

So when I was approached by yet another local girl, I kept the conversation brief but civil. I wasn’t interested. She was just after my money, like all the others. I had no intention of spending much time feigning interest just for the sake of it, especially when her English was of the stereotypical south east Asian type. Continue reading →

The One Day Pregnancy

by in That's Life! and tagged , , | 8 Comments

The other day a fellow student was telling me about a dream she’d had. She was heavily pregnant, despite not being pregnant the day before, but that’s dream logic for you. She visited the hospital for a check up, and coincidentally one of her friends was also due to give birth, yet she was experiencing problems with her pregnancy, so everyone was concerned for her well-being.

Upon being informed of the good health of the baby, the first girl was assured that she had plenty of time before the birth, so she left the hospital and went to buy a magazine. However, once she had left the shop, copy of Mother & Baby in hand, she suddenly went into labour in the street and gave birth within minutes to a screaming infant, presumably as morning commuters tutted at her for blocking a ‘red route’. Continue reading →

Phoebe’s Boyfriend in Neocolonialism Scandal

by in Newsworthy and tagged , | 4 Comments

This week the actor Sean Penn made some controversial claims about British neo-colonialism, with reference to the Falkland Islands. These are not, as you may think, an island theme park dedicated to the memory of Columbo actor Peter Falk. And just one more thing…

What Penn (perhaps best-known for his guest appearance as Phoebe’s boyfriend in Friends) neglected to realise, is that the Falkland Islands has been an overseas territory of Britain for longer than California has been a part of the USA. So maybe it is he who is playing the neo-colonialist, as his Malibou estate is on territory that was stolen from Mexico! Why doesn’t he enter negotiations with the Mexicans to return his property to its rightful owners?

Penn claims that sending Prince William to the Falkland Islands, gives out a message of intimidation. Not sure how. I guess he must find the sight of a search and rescue pilot just a little scary. Really Sean, the prince is just there to help. Continue reading →

Moses and the Unquenchable Fire

by in Spam Fighting and tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Helpfully pointing out where the world is located

Moses from the New Hope Ministry posted on the WordPress forum in an effort to publicise his rather radical mission, whilst condemning non-believers. Who am I to turn down such a request from such a fair-minded and liberal individual?

Here is his interview. I’m sure you’ll agree it makes perfect sense.

Or it might confuse you. One or the other.

Your website states that ‘This site is not for dating, it is the site for the word of God’ – have people mistaken New Hope Ministry for a site that helps lonely singles? What is your opinion of people who use those sites?

(a) People ware posting dating and sexy web addresses on my blog so i decided to write down the instruction of my blog, because my blog is only for the work of God.

I think you’ll find that’s known as spam Moses. Continue reading →