Tag Archives: Culture

Does Siri Know the Meaning of Life?

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Those of you who are unaware of what Siri is, then allow me to enlighten you. Fashion victims such as myself who have spent a disproportionate amount of money to acquire the latest iPhone, instead of opting for an alternative cheaper model that works just as well, if not better, don’t want to be told this. It’s made by Apple so it has to be the best.

So you can imagine our joy at discovering the one feature that surely must be the stand out technology; something that could quite possibly make our lives complete. Yes, if you push and hold the big round button on an iPhone… wait for it… It talks!

Siri doesn’t just waffle nonsense, like Twiki from the old Buck Rogers movies. No, Siri actually asks: ‘What can I help you with?’ This got me thinking. Continue reading →

The Real-Life Popeye

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The launch of the new Guinness book of World Records has presented us with the bizarre sight of US-based Egyptian ‘Popeye’ Moustafa Ismail and his 31 inch biceps. If this is the first time you’ve laid eyes on his puzzling physique, I can only apologise and allow you a few seconds to swallow the little bit of vomit that you just couldn’t keep down…

Presumably Guinness check that the ‘muscles’ are actually natural, but they do look so much like implants that it makes one wonder. His triceps look especially weird as they are usually smaller muscles than biceps, yet they hang down unnaturally, like over-ripe bunches of grapes.

I would also like to go on record to dispute his world record claim Continue reading →

Hammer Time!

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The ski jump at Lillehammer

Tour of southern Norway

Once again I embarked on a road trip with my travelling companion Big Boy; this time in Norway, starting in Oslo. Of course, the first thing to ensure when travelling, is that you actually take a flight that lands in your destination city. Not to take a budget airline flight that lands somewhere amongst a thicket of trees, somewhere near a reindeer farm… 1.75 hours away from Oslo. Torp airport is so quiet that the ‘express’ bus to Oslo actually waits for the Ryanair flight to land before setting off! Continue reading →

Getting into the Olympic Spirit

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Shock at the Olympic torch relay in London, as an innocent man’s head is set alight in an unprovoked attack

I’ve already made my feelings clear about what I feel is the over-commercialisation and money-grabbing attitude of the London 2012™ Olympics in a previous post. From the ridiculous complicated ticketing process, to the draconian legislation relating to the use of certain key words and phrases for marketing purposes, including the removal of company logos from toilets! It just didn’t seem like the true Olympic spirit.

It’s not that I wasn’t looking forward to the sporting spectacle. There’s nothing I appreciate more than the sight of intensely toned athletes, exerting every last ounce of energy, Continue reading →

Umbrellas: the New Penis Extension?

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“What a beauty. It’s a top of the range model with enough room for three chicks“

After the well publicised ‘drought’ of the previous 18 months, the UK has recently been experiencing what can only be referred to as payback. Quicker than you can say “fix the leaks you profit-guarding water fascists” we’ve experienced the highest amount of rainfall recorded, since Noah had the foresight to build an ark and float around for a while. And that’s a fact.

During these last couple of months I have noticed a new phenomenon whilst frantically trying to shield myself from the inclement weather, wondering why my £5 pop-up umbrella isn’t wind-proof, and also seems to be porous. There seem to be many men, Continue reading →

Shock Revelation: London Has No Mountains

by in Random Rants and tagged , | 4 Comments

I recently bought a new bicycle. I say ‘new’, but it is actually the first one I’ve owned since my teenage years. And my choice of purchase has caused quite a stir. So, did I make the commute to work on a unicycle? No. Or perhaps go ‘retro’ and tackle the ridiculous weight of a Raleigh Chopper? Twice no.

What I actually bought was a mountain bike. I’d been thinking about it for a while, and I finally found the right one. That is, the cheapest one that I could find that is still a decent bike. What I expected to receive was unanimous support from fellow cyclists and a degree of admiration from the couch potatoes who like the thought if cycling, but prefer to watch Glee with a tub of Haagen Daz. But what I actually got, was far less supportive and, quite frankly, stupid. Continue reading →

Girls On Top

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Hollie – the new Elle MacPherson? Or just bitter and twisted?

I recently learned a new term: ‘rinsing’. Surprisingly, it has nothing to do with cleaning things. It is in fact the word that is used to describe women who manipulate men to receive gifts. Their number one rule is that there is no sex in the equation. Not that the men tend to realise this.

A documentary followed three such rinsers as they went about their daily routine. Jeanette justified herself by saying that she does “… favours for her friends, but doesn’t expect sex in return”. She is pictured trying on some garish orange Jimmy Choo shoes, on sale for £425. “I need them” she claims, Continue reading →