Tag Archives: Culture

Royal Wedding Afternoon Report

by in Newsworthy and tagged , , , | 7 Comments
Kate Middleton arrives with her father

This report follows the Royal Wedding TM early morning report. My God it was cold this morning. Some spectators wrapped themselves in foil in an effort to keep warm. Up on our prime viewing position we felt the cold wind as it blew in from the North and we swigged back hot cups of tea and coffee whilst we prayed for the time to move quicker and the sun to come out.

By now we were locked inside our building deep inside the secured inner sanctum around Westminster Abbey. We even had our own bobby on the beat – a policeman ready to pounce from behind if we did anything that threatened to disrupt the Royal Wedding TM.

The noise and excitement that had punctuated the air in the previous evening and early morning had gradually given way to hushed expectation. The ‘commoners’ amongst the invited congregation were the first to arrive, including David and Victoria Beckham and Elton John. Continue reading →

Royal Wedding Early Morning Report

by in Newsworthy and tagged , , , | Leave a comment

They obviously had nothing better to do

From: gustavfluffy@hotmail.co.uk
To: stewie
Subject: I come to Royals wedding so we fight
Date: Wed, 27 Apr 2011 16:29:01

Stewie

I come to Landon and we meet in streets and fight for love of wife woman of mine.

Send me adress for you.

Gustav

Him again?! Give me a break… The day before The Royal Wedding TM and Gustav still wants a fight, but no matter, as there are more pressing concerns. Due to security measures that are even tighter than for the Pope visit last year, a group of my colleagues and I chose to sleep overnight in the office, faced with an early morning lockdown.

The crowds really started to build around Westminster Abbey from Thursday morning, joining the over enthusiastic souls who, for some reason, had felt the need to camp since Tuesday. Honestly, there was room along the route if you wanted to come along in the morning! And who could blame them for wanting to witness the most famous celebrity wedding on this date since the marriage of Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun. I’m not making that up, it really was on the 29th April 1945! Continue reading →

Cashing In On The Olympic Games

by in Newsworthy and tagged | 8 Comments

This week sees the deadline for applications to the 2012 Olympic Games in London, officially known as the Games of the XXX Olympiad. Which makes it sound like it’s an event featuring explicit sex and violence. It would probably be even more popular if these were actually featured. Although, as there are horses participating in some events, maybe that’s not such an enticing thought.

Some 6 million tickets are available which gives us a great opportunity to take in some guaranteed top-level sporting action. As long as you’re not too fussed about which events you want to see and which teams you want to watch. Of course some events will be oversubscribed, so there will be a lottery to decide who gets the tickets. How very fair.

Hopefully you don’t mind paying for all of the tickets in advance, before you know if you have been successful in your application? Oh yes, you may choose to increase your chances of getting those top tickets by applying for several events, but be prepared for the cost of your entire selection to drop out of your account in the next few weeks if you are ‘successful’. Continue reading →

The Biggest Threat To The Royal Wedding

by in Newsworthy and tagged , , | 13 Comments

The Sanctuary (right) - our balcony on the first floor

The office I work in is situated right next door to Westminster Abbey, the location for The Royal Wedding TM on 29th April. As we have balconies, we thought that we should take advantage of such sought after views and watch The Royal Wedding TM from our exclusive first floor vantage point. What a great opportunity to witness British history in the making? After all, it is rare for proletariat such as us to gain such close access to the aristocracy. Power to the peasants, I say.

But there is only one problem. Our location for The Royal Wedding TM is in the ‘ring of steel’ restricted area, alongside Westminster Abbey, in a security crackdown even bigger than for the Pope’s visit last year. We are literally a stone’s throw from where the action will happen and the police and Palace security are worried that we could, well, throw a stone perhaps, or disrupt proceedings in another way, maybe by throwing a publicity stunt or shouting out ‘FOX MURDERERS!’ when the Duke of Edniburgh and Queen Elizabeth arrive for the service. As if the thought would ever cross my mind… Continue reading →

Redressing The Balance

by in Newsworthy and tagged , | 9 Comments

I think that most of us would agree that sexism is wrong. Just like displays of racism, anti-Semitism and ageism which should be frowned upon and advocates of such prejudice be tarred and feathered and paraded through the city. Those medieval ancestors of ours really knew how to make a point.

As a young man growing up, I knew that it was right to treat women as equals. They could be anything that they wanted to be and as adept or even better than any man in the role they chose. Fair enough and just deserts for the struggle of the suffragette movement of times gone by. Everyone knows that sexism is unjustified.

So surely the same can be said for sexism against men? Discriminating or objectifying men must be as bad as doing likewise to women? But it doesn’t seem to quite work out that way. Continue reading →

Threatened By Irina Fluffi’s Husband!

by in Spam Fighting and tagged , , | 16 Comments

Irina Fluffi (right), Gustav Fluffi in the middle?

This won’t any make sense unless you have previously read My New Russian Internet Girlfriend. I recently received this unexpected threatening email from my Russian cyber girlfriend’s husband! His English is even worse than Irina’s. I guess he must have an older version of an auto-translator program on his PC… This must have come from the same source as it was sent to my work email address like the original spam email, even though I replied via my Hotmail account. Weird.

From: Gustav Fluffy [mailto:gustavfluffy@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: 11 April 2011 17:01
To: stewie
Subject: Why to play games with my woman

To this stewie,

I have in mind you speak with my woman and this my wife woman. You come to Russia and fight like man in army war for woman love.

Gustav Continue reading →

Express Spooning

by in That's Life! and tagged , , | 12 Comments

There’s a certain comfort in close physical contact with a special person. The feel of hot breath on your neck. Your bodies fitting together like two spoons. It just feels so nice and secure. At that moment, life couldn’t be any better, right? But NOT if you find yourself spooning a complete stranger on public transport in London.

The London Underground is notorious for being overcrowded at peak times. Personal space is at a premium, so you learn to make allowances. Did she mean to brush against my butt cheek? Surely not. Does he mind me reading his text message over his shoulder? Okay, he does mind that. Sorry.

When the train carriage is packed and the doors close, sometimes you just have to accept that you have extremely limited personal space and you try to make the best of the one inch gap that you’ve managed to acquire for yourself with some subtle jostling. But there are still rules. Continue reading →