Tag Archives: Culture

To Tweet Or Not To Tweet?

by in Random Rants and tagged , | 16 Comments

That is the question. Those eagle-eyed of you, and I’m sure there are many, may have noticed the shiny new social media links on the right hand side menu; therein making it quite clear what my stance is. Yes, I am firmly embraced in a loving clinch with Twitter and Facebook, afraid that if I let go and fail to heap enough attention, those demanding social media bitches will leave me wanting more. Needing more.

You see, that’s the thing with social media websites. You may resist for a while, then eventually succumb and open an account. And that’s when the pain starts. Sure, you can input the bare minimum of information and spread the word a little, hoping that your friends will do the evangelising for you.

But then comes a time when you realise that maybe, just maybe, your friends and acquaintances are not actually that influential, so you will have to put in some elbow grease, and actually exert time and energy into making your Twitter and book of faces pages exactly how you want them, and how the online guides say they should be. Continue reading →

I Reply To A Car Sale Scam

by in Spam Fighting and tagged , | 8 Comments

Having heard of scammers targeting online car sales sites, I was only too happy to dust down the spamfighting cape and spring into action!

The mission: to raise false hopes and irritate.

From: james wright [mailto:jmswrght25@googlemail.com]
Sent: 30 June 2011 10:52
To: stewie
Subject: BMW 3 SERIES 325i SE 4dr Saloon £2795 (9 miles)

Dear Seller,

I saw you Car advert on the internet website for sale and am interested in buying it. So i will like you to kindly get back to me soonest with the details of the Car below:-

*Present condition
*Last asking price
*Current Pictures

And Method of payment is Bank Draft. If you’re satisfied kindly get back to me for further arrangements. Continue reading →

Volcanoes and Penises

by in Travel and tagged , , , | 10 Comments

Krafla volcano with Big Boy charging ahead. Again. He waits for no man!

Tour of Iceland: Godafoss, Myvatn, Husavik, Jokulsargljufur, Glymur, Blue Lagoon

The final leg of our tour of Iceland saw my travelling companion Big Boy change his fascination with Icelandic horses to an interest in the local sheep. “They have multi-coloured sheep. Black and white.” Well, that’s not exactly multi-coloured, and you only mentioned that when you saw a black sheep didn’t you? Sheep racist.

First stop of the day was the stunning Godafoss waterfall in Fossholl, conveniently located 10 minutes from the road, meaning that we could continue on our way to the beautiful Lake Myvatn without much delay. The lake itself has lush vegetation on one side and largely barren volcanic rock on the other. Weird. The attractive side also has the impressive sites of the Skutustadir pseudo-craters (looking very crater-like to me, but what do I know), towering lava rock formations at Dimmuborgir, and Hverfjall volcano, which we climbed up and into, whilst stumbling over loose rocks and gravel. Continue reading →

Attack Of The Terns!

by in Travel and tagged , , | 2 Comments
The satanist church at Budir… Just kidding, it was Christian

Tour of Iceland: Budir, Vatnes, Budardalur, Blonduos, Glaumbaer, Akureyri

Disaster! We had just been informed that another volcanic eruption had caused a massive glacier to float down from a mountain and take out a bridge in the south of Iceland, meaning that the ring road around the island would be closed for 3 weeks, thereby scuppering our planned circular route and meaning that we would have to double back at roughly halfway around. Then the starter motor didn’t work on our hire car…

After a lengthy delay a replacement car had arrived, so Big Boy and I set off once again, chuckling at having found out that the word for ‘bye’ in Icelandic is ‘bless’. Ahh, how sweet! Continue reading →

Strongmen and Geek Chic

by in Travel and tagged , , , | 7 Comments

Hallgrimskirja church in Reykjavik

Tour of Iceland: Reykjavik, Golden Circle, Borganes

Another year, another tour, this time to the land of fire and ice, accompanied by a close friend of a whole 6 months, who I have socialised with only around 10 times. But he was up for the adventure, so the plans were made. He will go by the name of Big Boy to preserve his anonymity and with good reason too.

As we went through airport security we encountered flashy new automated scanners. I whizzed through effortlessly, but turned around to see Big Boy looking puzzled. He saw the notice that read “Face down” and wrongly assumed that he should place his face over the scanner, rather than holding his passport there! I just wish more people were there to witness such hilarity. Alas, that was the end of the good humour as we discovered a long flight delay was in store.

When we finally landed in Reykjavik we experienced a disorientating lack of darkness, even at 4am. It just seemed like dusk as we headed through the barren volcanic landscape to the city. Continue reading →

The Unofficial Tube Guide

by in That's Life! and tagged , | 12 Comments

The London Underground, a.k.a. The Tube, is the world’s oldest subterranean train network and essential for the daily drone-like commute of thousands of unhappy people every day. I say ‘unhappy’ as, despite the many positive aspects of the network of eleven lines and 270 stations, travelling on The Tube can be fraught with perils for unsuspecting tourists.

And I’m not just referring to THE GAP. The most important thing to be aware of before venturing into the depths of the Underground, THE GAP is what most Londoners fear the most. This notorious space between the train and the platform may only be a couple of inches in places, varying up to, er, several inches in other places, but it has mysterious magnetic forces that can catch unsuspecting travellers unaware. In fact many men are lost each year to THE GAP, having underestimated how much two inches actually is. Their girlfriends survive.

Do you have an Oyster Card? Of course not, you have no intention of buying shellfish. But it’s not used for that silly! It’s a swipe card that provides a cheap way to travel. It is designed to malfunction at peak periods for no apparent reason, thus causing commuters to back up behind you thinking you’re too poor to top up the credit. This is normal. Simply rotate the card clockwise, then anti-clockwise… then clockwise again. And take a step back before firmly pushing the card against the sensor. It knows if you are not trying. Continue reading →

Thoughts To Ponder

by in That's Life! and tagged , | 6 Comments

Rhetorical questions from viral emails, word-of-mouth & my own mind

Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

Who is Pandora and, pardon me, but isn’t it a bit rude to talk about opening her box?

Why does Donald Duck reach for a towel when he steps out of the shower when he never wears trousers anyway?

What is the opposite of speaking in tongues? Is it speaking in tongue, or perhaps speaking in Tongan?

Would the USA be safer if they gave people the right to arm bears?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough?

Why did World War 2 Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Continue reading →