Cashing In On The Olympic Games

by in Newsworthy and tagged | 8 Comments

This week sees the deadline for applications to the 2012 Olympic Games in London, officially known as the Games of the XXX Olympiad. Which makes it sound like it’s an event featuring explicit sex and violence. It would probably be even more popular if these were actually featured. Although, as there are horses participating in some events, maybe that’s not such an enticing thought.

Some 6 million tickets are available which gives us a great opportunity to take in some guaranteed top-level sporting action. As long as you’re not too fussed about which events you want to see and which teams you want to watch. Of course some events will be oversubscribed, so there will be a lottery to decide who gets the tickets. How very fair.

Hopefully you don’t mind paying for all of the tickets in advance, before you know if you have been successful in your application? Oh yes, you may choose to increase your chances of getting those top tickets by applying for several events, but be prepared for the cost of your entire selection to drop out of your account in the next few weeks if you are ‘successful’. Continue reading →

The Biggest Threat To The Royal Wedding

by in Newsworthy and tagged , , | 13 Comments

The Sanctuary (right) - our balcony on the first floor

The office I work in is situated right next door to Westminster Abbey, the location for The Royal Wedding TM on 29th April. As we have balconies, we thought that we should take advantage of such sought after views and watch The Royal Wedding TM from our exclusive first floor vantage point. What a great opportunity to witness British history in the making? After all, it is rare for proletariat such as us to gain such close access to the aristocracy. Power to the peasants, I say.

But there is only one problem. Our location for The Royal Wedding TM is in the ‘ring of steel’ restricted area, alongside Westminster Abbey, in a security crackdown even bigger than for the Pope’s visit last year. We are literally a stone’s throw from where the action will happen and the police and Palace security are worried that we could, well, throw a stone perhaps, or disrupt proceedings in another way, maybe by throwing a publicity stunt or shouting out ‘FOX MURDERERS!’ when the Duke of Edniburgh and Queen Elizabeth arrive for the service. As if the thought would ever cross my mind… Continue reading →

Redressing The Balance

by in Newsworthy and tagged , | 9 Comments

I think that most of us would agree that sexism is wrong. Just like displays of racism, anti-Semitism and ageism which should be frowned upon and advocates of such prejudice be tarred and feathered and paraded through the city. Those medieval ancestors of ours really knew how to make a point.

As a young man growing up, I knew that it was right to treat women as equals. They could be anything that they wanted to be and as adept or even better than any man in the role they chose. Fair enough and just deserts for the struggle of the suffragette movement of times gone by. Everyone knows that sexism is unjustified.

So surely the same can be said for sexism against men? Discriminating or objectifying men must be as bad as doing likewise to women? But it doesn’t seem to quite work out that way. Continue reading →

Threatened By Irina Fluffi’s Husband!

by in Spam Fighting and tagged , , | 16 Comments

Irina Fluffi (right), Gustav Fluffi in the middle?

This won’t any make sense unless you have previously read My New Russian Internet Girlfriend. I recently received this unexpected threatening email from my Russian cyber girlfriend’s husband! His English is even worse than Irina’s. I guess he must have an older version of an auto-translator program on his PC… This must have come from the same source as it was sent to my work email address like the original spam email, even though I replied via my Hotmail account. Weird.

From: Gustav Fluffy [mailto:gustavfluffy@hotmail.co.uk]
Sent: 11 April 2011 17:01
To: stewie
Subject: Why to play games with my woman

To this stewie,

I have in mind you speak with my woman and this my wife woman. You come to Russia and fight like man in army war for woman love.

Gustav Continue reading →

Express Spooning

by in That's Life! and tagged , , | 12 Comments

There’s a certain comfort in close physical contact with a special person. The feel of hot breath on your neck. Your bodies fitting together like two spoons. It just feels so nice and secure. At that moment, life couldn’t be any better, right? But NOT if you find yourself spooning a complete stranger on public transport in London.

The London Underground is notorious for being overcrowded at peak times. Personal space is at a premium, so you learn to make allowances. Did she mean to brush against my butt cheek? Surely not. Does he mind me reading his text message over his shoulder? Okay, he does mind that. Sorry.

When the train carriage is packed and the doors close, sometimes you just have to accept that you have extremely limited personal space and you try to make the best of the one inch gap that you’ve managed to acquire for yourself with some subtle jostling. But there are still rules. Continue reading →

My New Russian Internet Girlfriend

by in All Time Top Posts, Spam Fighting and tagged , , , | 32 Comments

Is that sap or are you just pleased to see me?

I Fight Spam With Spam

Recently I received spam from Russia from a girl looking for love with an Englishman. I love a foreign girl. Especially one who is a calculating spammer, looking to prey on vulnerable, gullible and lonely men. So I replied to see how long I could ‘cyber-date’ her for, dropping subtle and not so subtle hints with each message that would lead a genuine person in to thinking that I’m a complete psychopath to be avoided. This post is a nice accompaniment to My Revenge On An Email Hacker published last year. Let’s play a game!

From: irinafluffi@rambler.ru
Sent: 17 March 2011 14:47
To: stewie
Subject: Hi

Hello. My name is Irina. To me of 28 years. I search here for the man to create serious relations in the future. I shall be very glad if we with you will start to learn each other better. In my following letter I shall write to you more information on me. I have applied my pictures on this letter. I shall wait for your answer. Irina Continue reading →

The Boss From Hell

by in That's Life! and tagged , , | 13 Comments

We’ve all had them. The type of boss who makes you dread the thought of Monday morning so much that you ‘throw a sickie’, or who may even put you under so much pressure that it causes you to be signed-off work with stress. I’ve had a few bad bosses in my time in various sales jobs, from the door-knocking ‘front line’ to office-based and corporate, there has been no escape from the fools.

The commission-only, arse end of sales is, as you can imagine, full of stereotypical dodgy salesmen. Fast talking and creative with the truth, they are impulsive and spend money as fast as they make it, and are so self-centred and focussed on their pursuit of top dollar, that they are the worst managers imaginable should their good sales performance lead to a misguided promotion. Paranoia is always a background influence in the dog-eat-dog sales environment. Continue reading →