Another day, another date and it all seemed to be going very well. But in life’s myriad of social interactions there are some questions that you just don’t ask. Just like demanding to know who has farted in the lift, or seeing an ugly baby and asking if it’s a boy or a girl, you shouldn’t go on a date and ask someone why he or she is single. Why not just shout “WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?”, slap me across the face and call me a freak whilst you’re at it, to really make me feel all snugly inside?
And anyway, it takes two to tango, as they say. So, after replying that my date should “… ask the women of London” to find out the answer, I batted the same question straight back at her. In your face girl! No, she didn’t admit that she was in fact single because she asks too many inappropriate questions, she was just too busy, apparently. Comforting to know.
What did she honestly expect me to say? Maybe that I’m too picky? Hardly. I’m really not fussy. Okay, so there are a few characteristics that I tend to avoid. Admittedly, I am likely to avoid a girl with tattoos of her ex-boyfriend in an intimate area. They’re a tad off-putting and I’d be worried about a hulk of a man nicknamed ‘Bulldog’ breaking down my door one day to reclaim his ‘little poodle’.
Or a girl with arms that are hairier than mine. Or one with fat ankles. Or a girl who seems to have trouble synching activity between areas of her brain. Surely it’s reasonable to expect a potential partner to have a rudimentary knowledge of the world we live in. She has to realise that Gaddafi is not a cartoon duck often seen alongside Bugs Bunny, right?
I also find it hard to date a girl who doesn’t drink. No-one likes to drink alone, so I am hoping that the recent increase in availability of fruit flavoured beers and pear cider will help to cure teetotallers. Surely, they’ll like the taste of those drinks?
So, how did the date go? Well, I’ve had worse. But putting someone you’ve just met on the spot with an awkward question is never a good start. At least she didn’t come straight out and ask me how many people I’d slept with. Now that would have been inappropriate! After a rocky start, we did find some common ground, but suffice to say, it was not meant to happen. Again.