So… Why Are You Single?

by in Dating Disasters and tagged , , , | 22 Comments

Another day, another date and it all seemed to be going very well. But in life’s myriad of social interactions there are some questions that you just don’t ask. Just like demanding to know who has farted in the lift, or seeing an ugly baby and asking if it’s a boy or a girl, you shouldn’t go on a date and ask someone why he or she is single. Why not just shout “WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?”, slap me across the face and call me a freak whilst you’re at it, to really make me feel all snugly inside?

And anyway, it takes two to tango, as they say. So, after replying that my date should “… ask the women of London” to find out the answer, I batted the same question straight back at her. Continue reading →

Death To Media-Speak

by in Random Rants and tagged , , | 7 Comments

I’ve been working in the media industry for eight years now. How in God’s name did that happen? I find it mind-numbing in its repetitiveness and all round pretentiousness. If it isn’t colleagues who spend most of the day running into meetings to discuss what-we-discussed-at-the-last-meeting, then it’s media agency idiots who only spend budget with businesses who have taken them out to lavish restaurants or given them other bribes ‘gifts’. And there was me thinking that they might use their positions as media ‘experts’ to analyse all the options for their clients before spending the budgets wisely.

But what really grates with me the most, is the nonsense media jargon that spews forth from people’s mouths, seemingly bypassing their grey matter on the expressway of monotony and repeated, mantra-like, by everyone else as if all other words are banned Continue reading →

Are Bloggers Geeks?

by in Newsworthy and tagged , , | 6 Comments

Before you all shout in unison: “DAMN RIGHT YOU ARE GEEK BOY!” allow me to examine the evidence. Barely a week goes by without a reference to an influential blog being mentioned in the media or top bloggers such as Perez Hilton being interviewed as if they are experts in their chosen field. And maybe some of them are. But despite this, sometimes I feel embarrassed to admit that I have a blog as I can just see people’s poorly hidden reactions, based on their preconceptions. They think that I’m either a geek with delusions of grandeur but nothing interesting to say, or someone who probably sits at home stroking a white cat whilst planning cyber-world domination.

But do they have a point? Six months on from the launch of this blog which started with Online Hating, a rant against the pitfalls of online dating, Continue reading →

Mistaken For An Undercover Cop

by in That's Life! and tagged , , | 4 Comments
The pixelated face caused problems at customs

It had been a while since I’d seen my oldest mate, so I was willing to go out wherever he wanted when he visited me for the weekend in London just before Christmas. He’s the same age as me but married with kids and envies my freedom, as you would if the nearest you came to late night action is answering a 2am call from a little person who thinks he’s seen the bogeyman and wants to sleep with the light on. Or between mummy and daddy in their bed.

Being a serious clubber in his heyday, of the dancing badly variety rather than the baby seal killing type, my buddy was adamant that we should re-live our youth and visit a hard house dance club. Okay... I promised to look for some white gloves and glowsticks, Continue reading →

Is Mobile Payment Really Needed?

by in Newsworthy and tagged , | 1 Comment

Hot news this week is the apparent revolution in how we pay for goods and services, with the introduction of Near-Field Communications (NFC) to mobile phones which will make it possible to authorise payment via the swipe of the handset over a sensor. What’s that, security fears, I hear you cry? Well have no fear, as 1 in 10 transactions will require a PIN number for proof that you haven’t just mugged someone. So, 1 out of every 10 muggings will result in a disappointed mugger returning to the streets purchase less, looking for the next victim. That’s reassuring.

And let’s just ignore any high-tech criminals who may wander around transport hubs, ‘accidently’ bumping into you with something rather large protruding from their pockets. Is that an NFC reader in their pockets or are they just pleased to see you?  Hello Mr Hacker. Either way, you probably want to avoid such a scenario. Continue reading →

My Date With An Actress

by in Dating Disasters and tagged , , , | 7 Comments

No, not her, she was busy

It had all started off so well. I met an old friend for drinks on a Friday  evening and we had noticed a couple of nice girls chatting in the corner and struck up a conversation. Despite the fact that they had arranged to meet a couple of blokes, we soon skillfully prised away the ladies from their clutches. Well, they kept going outside for cigarettes, so it was their own fault…

So there I was getting on fabulously with the taller girl (as if I have to take the taller one); life couldn’t get any better than this! She told me that she was an actress. Of course, she was a little known actress, not as stunning as Angelina Droolie or Halle Boobly (who is?), but still desirable in my (drunken) eyes. She was currently ‘starring’ in a Bodyform tampax ad apparently, although surprisingly, wasn’t roller skating through a park or abseiling down a cliff face in the commercial. Continue reading →

From Holiday To Homeless

by in Newsworthy and tagged | Leave a comment

In One Easy Step

It seemed like a great idea at the time. I was to take a much-needed sabbatical from work, escaping from the rat race for 6 weeks or so whilst simultaneously moving out of my house and storing away my belongings to save myself several hundred pounds in rent and bills. That should mean that the effective cost of the holiday was much less than if I had kept the room. Genius.

I left for India seemingly safe in the knowledge that, although I’d heard on the news that rental costs had increased, it had never taken me too long to find somewhere to live in London in the past. How hard could it be? I had allowed myself a few days to find somewhere upon my return.

The first problem that I encountered was a missed return flight, meaning that my first day of house hunting was wiped off due to the delay. Whoops! When I finally made it back to the Big Smoke, I checked myself in to the cheapest ‘hotel’ that I could find, my room coming complete with a water leak Continue reading →