No, not her, she was busy

It had all started off so well. I met an old friend for drinks on a Friday  evening and we had noticed a couple of nice girls chatting in the corner and struck up a conversation. Despite the fact that they had arranged to meet a couple of blokes, we soon skillfully prised away the ladies from their clutches. Well, they kept going outside for cigarettes, so it was their own fault…

So there I was getting on fabulously with the taller girl (as if I have to take the taller one); life couldn’t get any better than this! She told me that she was an actress. Of course, she was a little known actress, not as stunning as Angelina Droolie or Halle Boobly (who is?), but still desirable in my (drunken) eyes. She was currently ‘starring’ in a Bodyform tampax ad apparently, although surprisingly, wasn’t roller skating through a park or abseiling down a cliff face in the commercial. I wasn’t aware of her work, I had to confess. But that didn’t matter; maybe this girl was the one.

We met the next night, still nursing hangovers from the night before. The conversation was naturally more subdued that previously, but we shared each other’s hangover pain and laughed about the antics of our friends who had also paired up. He was only in London for the weekend. She didn’t really go back to his hotel?  “She’s not normally that type of girl”, my new lady friend said. “Oh, I have much more respect for a girl who waits before jumping into bed with a guy”, I replied. Damn it, I picked the wrong one. Sleep deprived and with little thirst for more alcohol, we went our separate ways after only 2 hours, promising to meet on the next Wednesday for pizza.

When we next met things seemed different. My wonderful actress had turned into an annoying child, asking any inane question that rattled through her brain. When our food arrived, I nonchalantly asked her if I could try a slice. “No” she replied, like a spoilt child. Haha, that’s funny… Are you serious?. “Absolutely, it’s mine”. Oh… “Have I upset you?”, she asked through the howling wind blowing tumbleweed through the debris of our embryonic relationship. Well, how about the fact that you have managed to turn a seemingly innocuous, somewhat flirtatious request into an embarrassing exchange? How old are you?!

The world of pain continued with her relentless questions. What is your favourite song of all time? Who is your favourite actor? …. Who is your favourite actress? I don’t bloody well know, okay? Can I come back to you on these questions with some prepared answers? Prior to that night, I wasn’t aware of my ability to eat a whole pizza in 2 minutes. And even that was 2 minutes too long. I left the actress wandering off into the night, probably asking strangers what their favourite colour was or what their favourite breed of dog is.

Labrador, in case you’re wondering. Oh, damn, she’s got me doing it now…