Guide to Speed Dating for Blokes

1. You totally suck at finding the right girl, so out of desperation you’ve decided to give speed dating a try as you’ve grown tired of your left hand and you can’t ‘re-connect’ with your right hand – never go back! It could never be as good as it used to be… But you’re not stupid, you know that girls look for a confident man, so your most important task is to drink enough to make you feel cool, calm and assured. Hell, why not down a couple of whiskey chasers before you start? Don’t worry, the smell of alcohol will merge with your aftershave to create a heady aroma that no woman can refuse.

2. Once proceedings get underway, ensure that you lie about your job. This will make you seem more interesting and you’ve had enough to drink now, so you can blag it if she asks any awkward technical questions. But, to be safe, research how long it takes to become an fighter pilot before you go. Continue reading

Guide to Speed Dating For Ladies

1. You’ve finally decided to give speed dating a try, but don’t whatever you do attend an event on your own. That’s far too scary even though you’re an adult. It makes much more sense to invite as many friends as possible to increase the competition that you will have for the attentions of the few nice men that will be there. In fact why not invite some of your attached friends? Men love competing for unavailable women, thereby wasting an opportunity with the available ones. But at least it’ll be fun, right?

2. Your most important goal is to ascertain how good a job your dates have. This is an essential question to ask. There’s no point in being attracted to a man and enjoying his company if he won’t be able to provide for you and your future children together. Continue reading