1. You totally suck at finding the right girl, so out of desperation you’ve decided to give speed dating a try as you’ve grown tired of your left hand and you can’t ‘re-connect’ with your right hand – never go back! It could never be as good as it used to be… But you’re not stupid, you know that girls look for a confident man, so your most important task is to drink enough to make you feel cool, calm and assured. Hell, why not down a couple of whiskey chasers before you start? Don’t worry, the smell of alcohol will merge with your aftershave to create a heady aroma that no woman can refuse.

2. Once proceedings get underway, ensure that you lie about your job. This will make you seem more interesting and you’ve had enough to drink now, so you can blag it if she asks any awkward technical questions. But, to be safe, research how long it takes to become an fighter pilot before you go. Continue reading →