Consecotaleophobia is a problem that is not be sniffed at and there is no need to suffer in silence. It is just as serious as arithmophobia (fear of numbers), syngenesophobia (fear of relatives – depends on your family, I guess), but maybe more serious than hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (fear of long words) or phobophobia (fear of phobias). Am I the only person who cringes at the thought of visiting a Chinese or Japanese restaurant and having to use chopsticks? I’m a lover of new inventions and, in my mind, a knife and fork are inventions that should supersede chopsticks. It’s the natural evolution, just like VHS – DVD – Blu-ray – 3D. Sure, our oriental friends gave it a good go, but how the hell am I supposed to learn how to use sticks to eat with before my food goes cold? How come other people can use those things? They must have practiced in their own time damn it, they’re just showing off. Continue reading
Tag Archives: My Life
I Celebrate My Inner Man-Child
“In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play” said Friedrich Nietzsche, the German philosopher. Amen to that brother. I’ve been accused of failing to act my age or be responsible, yet in my mind, the people that say this are often jaded with life, unhappy with the choices that they’ve made and jealous of my marriage-free, child-free, debt-free, er… freedom. I’m certainly not anti-those things and I can’t help it if I find it impossible to see a space hopper and not bounce around the garden on it. Admittedly though, it’s probably wrong to push my niece and nephew out of the way to get to it first. I’m much bigger and should control my excitement, but space hoppers are ace. I still can’t resist kicking my way through fallen leaves and I’m still fascinated by insects and snails – some species can actually mate with themselves! If I was a snail, I think I’d have a large family… Continue reading
Speed Dating: One Last Chance!
Having been to a few speed dating ‘events’ of various descriptions, I vowed to never waste my time in such a way again! But a friend recently persuaded me to attend a singles night/speed dating evening and offered to buy me drinks – done deal! After all, how bad could it be? The evening required prior online registration which seemed innocuous enough, but some muppet had decided to give out name tags with our chosen registration pseudonym, rather than our actual first names! Luckily I was just StewieJT (not ideal, but not embarrassing either), but as soon as I arrived I noticed a guy that I’d met a few months previously, and would rather avoid. Unfortunately, my attempts at avoiding eye contact were futile, as he strode over and shook my hand like a long-lost friend. His name tag read ‘Love Doctor’… Damn it, I can’t be seen with him, I thought. Continue reading
In Defence of Axl Rose
Guns n’ Roses live at the O2 Arena in London
Germany’s greatest Guns n’ Roses funky it read on the back of a man’s leather jacket. Hmm… I’m sure you are mein freund. The return of Guns n’ Roses to London had been a long time coming and the previous dates on the tour had met with enough criticism for me to expect the worst at the second of their two O2 Arena shows last night. What initially had been an interesting night for people-watching – some hardcore GnR fans crank the eccentricity (or ‘funky’ if you’re German) up to ‘11’ – eventually descended into a test of drunken endurance as the entire evening last for five hours, meaning that anyone who stayed until the end missed the last tube and last Thames Clipper boat and had to show an ankle to get a taxi to stop or risk queuing for hours. Continue reading
Office Lockdown, Men in Gowns & Beans on Toast
The Pope’s London Visit
The 'mohawk' is a popular hairstyle in The Vatican
I work next to Westminster Abbey so I’m well used to staring at visiting dignitaries who are attending memorial services through the windows and from the balcony of our office. Yet the London visit of Pope Benedict XVI to the Abbey today was unlike anything I’ve seen before. The preparations started on Monday when the crowd barriers were put in place along a stretch of road, only for the workmen to realise that they were all facing the wrong way and had to be turned around, much to my amusement! On this day I also saw an old woman decked out in a pope photo t-shirt, carrying a pope photo bag to match. God knows where she was going [bad pun, I know].
There was also a large double-tiered gantry built for photographers and TV crews opposite the Abbey and a makeshift TV studio built on the roof of the enormous Methodist hall. Continue reading
South Beach, Bringing The Heat
Party time in Miami
Around the World Trip – USA (part 4)
I left New Orleans with my Aussie travelling companion Scott, having discovered that he has a strange habit of getting lost when he looks for the toilet in the middle of the night and ending up completely disorientated (when he’s been drinking of course!). In NO I was dead to the world when he jumped on me, thinking it was his bed, scaring the life out of me in the process, before saying “Sorry mate” and returning to his own bed to continue snoring. I was left with heart palpitations…
The trip to Miami was very long – 20 hours to Jacksonville for an overnight stay, then 8 hours to complete the trip. I was glad this was my last experience of Amtrak, fed up with screaming kids, weird people and air con that’s set to Arctic breeze. Jacksonville is the most uninspiring place I’ve seen, mainly due to its sheer size. It a such a sprawl that it covers 841 square miles making it the USA’s largest city in terms of area. There was little for us to do except admire the abandoned buildings and endless fast food outlets along the highway and crash out in our motel. Continue reading
Huey, Louie and Stewie
Around the World Trip – USA (part 3)
No, unfortunately, the title doesn’t mean I met Donald Duck’s nephews… Next stop after a mere 17 hour train journey was Kansas City, a town with little options for budget accommodation. Never mind I thought, at least I can take advantage of my own hotel room and catch up on some sleep. WRONG! There was essential roof maintenance meaning lots of banging, drilling etc. The people in KC seem a little strange. Firstly, the receptionist asked me if one room key would be enough (huh?!) and then told me there was a package for me (it was addressed to someone with the surname Brittain and she remembered I had Britain on my passport – oh dear!). When I went out for pizza the waitress said “Aaah” when I spoke. They really do like my accent here, should be interesting tonight, I thought. WRONG! Continue reading
This Little Thing Called Life 