Author Archives: Stewie

Bad Manners

by in Random Rants and tagged , | 11 Comments

“Good day dear sir. May I commend you on your driving ability. Godspeed to you.“

There are few things in life that bother me more than someone being disrespectful. That really gets my goat. Good manners cost nothing. Why should ignorant people feel that they have the right to disturb my metaphorical goat that was quite happily grazing in its pen of solitude, minding its own business? Some people…

Take the people who are either incredibly unobservant or unbelievably inconsiderate, and pretend not to notice when an elderly passenger gets on the bus. No really, please take them. Away from me. No amount of staring seems to have the desired effect. Continue reading →

A Break From The Norm

by in That's Life! and tagged | 2 Comments

It was a cool, dark Monday evening as I drove to a local sports centre for my team’s six-a-side football match. I was only a bit-part player, but much-needed on this evening, as we had a squad of only six!

After changing into my kit, I made my way out to the pitch-side area, a dark corridor between the astroturf and the tennis courts alongside. I’d only taken a few steps, mindfully looking up to check for stray balls coming my way, when  I suddenly felt myself falling. Automatically, my arms outstretched to break my fall. They straightened at the same time as my hands touched the ground. Yes, my fall had been broken, but I had taken the full impact on my arms, which didn’t have a chance to bend. Continue reading →

Hair We Go Again

by in That's Life! and tagged , | 24 Comments

This week saw the television appearance of Emer O’Toole, a young lady who has decided not to shave her body hair; going against what she sees as unfair cultural expectations for women. Apparently, she stopped shaving as an ‘experiment’ and stuck with it.

I have a number of issues with this story, over and above the obvious cultural norms debate. Firstly, I’m not sure how refraining from doing something that will lead to inevitable consequences can be termed as an ‘experiment’. It’s a bit like going on hunger strike in an experiment to see if you will lose weight.

Secondly, how the hell was this woman booked for a TV show? Does she have an agent, or did they place an ad somewhere? Or maybe her hairy body has given her notoriety in her home town,or she was pro-active and contacted the producers herself in an effort to seek fame. The mind boggles. Continue reading →

Guide To Singles Parties

by in Dating Disasters and tagged , , | 8 Comments

No-one looks this good at singles parties. Ever.

So you’ve decided that you will take the plunge and give a singles party a try. If you’re a lady, you’ll no doubt opt for the safety-in-numbers approach and ask (or beg, or possibly have to pay for) some of your closest friends (or anyone who you know that is female and single) to go along with you.

If you’re a bloke, then it’s more difficult. If you take a friend, then it has to be someone who is fairly normal, but not someone who can steal the attention of the nicest girls. Or maybe you should just go on your own and try not to give off the impression that you’re a loner who stays in on Saturday nights to watch the Twilight movies with his mother. Continue reading →

The Fashion Of Tomarrow

by in Newsworthy and tagged , | 7 Comments

In the news this week it was reported that the coming months will see the latest fashion trend of fruit and vegetable print dresses. Now, I’m not the most fashion conscious of people I must admit, but the prospect of seeing women walking down the road dressed like a display from a greengrocer’s did make me raise an eyebrow.

But it seems that it is something that we may have to get used to. Here are some designs available soon from the trendiest retailers:

Freshly grown in her allotment

Continue reading →

Escaping The Headhunters

by in Random Rants and tagged , | 9 Comments

When you said that you will take no prisoners in finding the right candidate, I had something different in mind…

Now, from reading the headline, you may be wondering when I’ve had the misfortune to encounter cannibals. The truth is, I never had such an experience. The closest I’ve come to that has been negotiating my way through Bangkok’s bar district whilst adeptly avoiding the Thai ladies looking for a ‘trophy’ husband.

What I am actually referring to are recruitment consultants. Seriously. In case you didn’t know, allow me to give you a heads up, as they say. There are no longer recruitment consultants. Or at least, if there are, then they are so 1990s. What this vocation actually involves now, is for a person who represents a company with job vacancies to aggressively seek out the relevant candidates. Whether they’re interested or not.

Except that’s not exactly what happens. Take an example conversation I had with a ‘headhunter’ recently. Hello. “Can I speak to Bob?” No, he left the company having failed miserably to pass his probation period. “Oh… then can I speak to Stewart?” That’s me. “Great, I’m a headhunter.” One that ‘hunts’ for candidates with limited experience, who under-perform so badly that they make Homer Simpson look like a high achiever? I’m all ears… [click…brrrrr] Continue reading →