Crap Jobs I’ve Had #1: Vacuum Cleaner Salesman

☀ by Stewie in That's Life! and tagged Culture, Humour, My Life | 2 Comments

Looking back to my formative years, it’s fair to say that I’ve had a few crap jobs in my time. So it feels right to share my hideous experiences. One that instantly springs to mind was when I left university and, in my desperation to find work, I took a position as a vacuum cleaner salesman… Commission only.

This was not any old vacuum cleaner, oh no. It was a Filter Queen. Despite having a name that makes it sound like an overly camp man who insists on only drinking percolated coffee, it was actually a very good product. And it still exists. Quoted from the website (formatted to 1990s style 4:3 screen ratio):

The future of clean is now. The FilterQueen® Indoor Air Quality System uses its proven technology to create a cleaner, healthier home environment that is protected from harmful pollutants such as dust mites, allergens, viruses, mold spores and bacteria. Continue reading →

Going Viral

☀ by Stewie in That's Life! and tagged My Life | 10 Comments

This month I experienced my first viral experience. But don’t worry, I haven’t been exposed to sickly toddlers or infested air conditioning. I have in fact witnessed a sudden surge in the popularity of This Little Thing Called Life, attributed to search traffic directed to my Life Changing Decisions post. And I’m talking about a jump from 100 or so daily views to a whopping 5,861 views over two days.

Whilst this may seem like a welcome boost and a testament to impressive ‘organic’ search marketing, I wonder if all is what it seems? Whilst I am delighted that most of my older posts continue to attract readers via natural search traffic, such sudden spikes for no obvious reason, do seem rather odd. Especially when they come via an image search term!

How many of these impressions were simple click on-click off users who didn’t read more than a line or two? Alas, I fear that most of them were. Continue reading →

Does Siri Know the Meaning of Life?

☀ by Stewie in That's Life! and tagged Culture, Humour | 2 Comments

Those of you who are unaware of what Siri is, then allow me to enlighten you. Fashion victims such as myself who have spent a disproportionate amount of money to acquire the latest iPhone, instead of opting for an alternative cheaper model that works just as well, if not better, don’t want to be told this. It’s made by Apple so it has to be the best.

So you can imagine our joy at discovering the one feature that surely must be the stand out technology; something that could quite possibly make our lives complete. Yes, if you push and hold the big round button on an iPhone… wait for it… It talks!

Siri doesn’t just waffle nonsense, like Twiki from the old Buck Rogers movies. No, Siri actually asks: ‘What can I help you with?’ This got me thinking. Continue reading →

Welcome to London 51.5171° N, 0.1062° W

☀ by Stewie in Random Rants and tagged My Life | 6 Comments

I’m sick of it. I swear, if one more foreigner complains about the weather in the UK, I might just scream. We know that when it’s summer it should be sunny and warm. We understand that you are unhappy with the unpredictable nature of the weather. We don’t like it either. We also realise, that where you come from has much better weather. Bully for you. You do understand that we have no control over our weather patterns, right? If you persist with your complaining we may just forcefully kick your butt back to whichever utopian paradise you claim as your own.Usain Bolt was recently asked what he thought of the UK. “It’s alright, apart from the weather”, he said. Thanks for that Usain.

It’s a bit like me saying that Jamaica is alright apart from the poverty and fear of violent crime. Continue reading →

The Real-Life Popeye

☀ by Stewie in Newsworthy and tagged Culture, People | 2 Comments

The launch of the new Guinness book of World Records has presented us with the bizarre sight of US-based Egyptian ‘Popeye’ Moustafa Ismail and his 31 inch biceps. If this is the first time you’ve laid eyes on his puzzling physique, I can only apologise and allow you a few seconds to swallow the little bit of vomit that you just couldn’t keep down…

Presumably Guinness check that the ‘muscles’ are actually natural, but they do look so much like implants that it makes one wonder. His triceps look especially weird as they are usually smaller muscles than biceps, yet they hang down unnaturally, like over-ripe bunches of grapes.

I would also like to go on record to dispute his world record claim Continue reading →

The Strength of the Paralympians

☀ by Stewie in Newsworthy and tagged People | 2 Comments

Houssein Omar Hassan in the T46 1500m

Watching the Paralympics has been nothing short of inspiring. The Olympics motivated me to cycle like Chris Hoy in the morning commute and now the Paralympics has pushed me to step up my gym sessions, from the recent 0 to a more worthwhile 3 per week. Well, I have been on holiday.

I have to admit to being surprised by the standard of competition. No doubt helped by the sell-out crowds, paralympians have broken records and given performances that have demanded respect. These are athletes, just like the Olympic competitors, and they dedicate their lives to their sports in exactly the same way: blood, sweat and tears, through daily training. Continue reading →

Hammer Time!

☀ by Stewie in Travel and tagged Culture, My Life, Travel | Leave a comment

The ski jump at Lillehammer

Tour of southern Norway

Once again I embarked on a road trip with my travelling companion Big Boy; this time in Norway, starting in Oslo. Of course, the first thing to ensure when travelling, is that you actually take a flight that lands in your destination city. Not to take a budget airline flight that lands somewhere amongst a thicket of trees, somewhere near a reindeer farm… 1.75 hours away from Oslo. Torp airport is so quiet that the ‘express’ bus to Oslo actually waits for the Ryanair flight to land before setting off! Continue reading →