My 0 Seconds of Fame

So there I was, sitting, waiting for my appearance on the BBC’s Room 101, as described in a previous post, talking about my pet hate of nonsense business buzz words. Strangely I was feeling a little nervous. How hideous would I look and how monotone would my voice sound? Would it be obvious that I had a little prompt card in my hand? I didn’t think so, but anyway, it was necessary to have that card so that I didn’t clam up and make a fool of myself. This was going out to a national audience, after all.

But then as the half hour programme progressed, I started to wonder where my appearance would fit in. The main guests were on good form, as was the host Frank Skinner, as always. So each round lasted seven minutes or so. It must have been difficult to edit the quality content.

And then came make or break time. With seven minutes left, Frank announced what had to be the final round. It wasn’t the ‘audience round’. But luckily, it took less time than previous rounds. There was still time for my moment of glory!

At that moment, Frank uttered the words I had waited for. “And now, please welcome special guests.” Guests? I think you meant guest Frank! “Put your hands together for the London Vegetable Orchestra!” The what?!

Yes ladies and gentlemen. My appearance was left on the cutting room floor, or whatever the digital equivalent is, as the producers decided to go for the apparently ‘safe’ bet of five people, dressed in evening wear, playing musical instruments made out of vegetables. For two performances!

Not that they weren’t talented, in an unorthodox way. Both of their tunes were the sweetest sounds that I’ve ever heard from vegetables. But all of those nerves on the night were for nothing. I had a feeling that it didn’t go as well as I’d hoped. My opening joke about people who start off an email with “Nice to e-meet you” fell a little flat. I guess saying that I wanted to e-punch them sounded a tad aggressive for an introduction… My friend who was with me said I was funny, but then she knows my sense of humour. Plus she was probably just being nice.

So that’s it. My moment in the spotlight was to be denied. At least I only told a few people. Subscribers. Workmates. Friends. Fellow students. All of my Facebook friends and Twitter followers. But no-one else. So that’s alright then. No-one will e-laugh at me, I’m sure.

But then, maybe I will make it on to the DVD box set of the series. They have much less time constraints on DVD. It’s versatile, it’s in the name! So look out for me in the bonus features…

7 thoughts on “My 0 Seconds of Fame

  1. You know there’s a 45 minute version of the show on tomorrow? Maybe you’ll be on that?!

  2. Aw, Stewie, you got cut? I am outraged. You are funny. e-punch? That is comedy gold.

    I must admit when I read “London Vegetable Orchestra,” I did laugh out loud, but only for a second, and I immediately felt bad. I’m hoping you make the 45 minute show on Sunday.

    • Yeah, I thought e-punch was an amusing retort to e-meet, but it fell flat. Must have beem my delivery. Fingers crossed for Sunday. 🙂

  3. Sorry, mate. These things happen on the road to glory. Better luck next time. You are funny, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

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