This is the first in an occasional series of interviews with fellow bloggers. A mom and cake baker/decorator with a penchant for arson home improvement, Momfog has seen her blog grow impressively since it’s inception in January.

So what do you prefer to be called, momfog, mom, fog, foggy or fogface?

My friends call me Moms or Foggy, you can call me Mrs. Momfog.

Okay Mrs. Momfog. A few months ago I know that disaster struck, with a fire at your family home. How has the transition been back to normal life and has it taken long?

The transition from loss of all worldly goods to new home with too many worldly goods has not been easy or quick. We’re still missing some essentials and have way too many non-essentials. How many sheet sets does one family need?

I would say that you need two sheet sets per bed. Unless you have a heavy soiler in your midst. Then I would suggest an extra set and additional plastic protection or, in an extreme case, put the child (or husband) into care. No-one needs to deal with that.

Fire, new job, long commute, something breaking in the new house every couple of days…not the best three months of my life.

Did you notice a spike in hits when you published the story about the fire?

I had a brief increase in hits from the fire (548 on the day of and at the time my daily average was around 250.) It didn’t last long and the following months were my slowest. I didn’t blog much and my stats suffered for it.

You seem fixated on the fire/blog stat subject. If you’re considering something drastic, it’s not worth it. A more valuable (and lawful) use of your time would be to take up cake decorating. The search engine traffic is outstanding on my cake posts.

Okay Mrs. Momfog. Must have been terrible. Did the police drop the charges against you? When were the best three months of your life?

[Mrs. Momfog sent an empty message in reply.]

I think you sent an empty message?

Yes, I did. Sorry about that. My Nook Color went all stupid on me. Here’s my reply.

Ahem.

My lawyer has instructed me to say, “No comment.”

The best three months of my life were right after the birth of my fifth child, my second daughter. While not the only surprise baby, she was certainly the biggest. I never thought I’d have one child, let alone 5.

By the time number five came along, I was experienced enough to relax and enjoy having a newborn. The sweet smelling head, the velvet skin, the sound of her breathing, her warmth. She was (and is) beautiful. I relished every moment of it, knowing it would be the last time I’d have a newborn baby and that it would pass by all too quickly.

OR

The last summer I could wear a bikini and not make everyone around me want to wash their eyes out with bleach.

I’m not sure what a nook color is though it sounds a bit racist. You southerners…

This is the New South, Stewie. In the old days, the Nook Color would’ve been…well, let’s not go there. I don’t need that kind of publicity. Besides, I’m not technically a Southerner. I’m a transplant. I am a proud Hillbilly from the state of Kentucky, which is not considered “southern” by anyone in the “real” South.

I’d noticed that you had quite a few children. They are what inspires your blog after all. You mention in a recent post that your husband is the most anoying person you know. Sounds like my kinda man! Presumably then he is also the best person at making up that you know?

Is my husband the best at making up? You have no idea.

That’s why I’m asking.

Seriously, NO idea.

Tell me then!

Let’s just say I’ve never once threatened to move to Australia.

So, was there a moment when, matches in hand, you suddenly wondered if you’d miscounted and left one of your children playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare?

My children aren’t allowed to play Call of Duty, so no.

Speaking of my children, they are strictly off-limits. Don’t make me swim my American self over there and kick your British arse. The history of American/British conflicts is not in your favor.

Woah there, that’s fighting talk! I think that the history of US/UK conflicts would be 1-1. We colonised the US, then you kicked us out (we were already leaving). Those stupid red coats made us easy targets. Speaking of conflict, you mentioned that you live in Georgia, so what are your thoughts on the Russian invasion of the breakaway region of South Ossetia?

I’m against it.

I’m not surprised.

What made you decide to include a translation section on your site? Do you have many Yiddish or Swahili readers? Surely they would have to know what the English word ‘translation’ meant to convert your words to their own language.

Some blog expert said every blog should have a translation page. Therefore, I have a translation page. Maybe non-English people know the English word “translation” like they know the word, “McDonalds.” Don’t ask me. I just do what I’m told.

McDonalds? Not quite as universal a word perhaps as ‘taxi’ or ‘internet’. I think that Urdu-speaking Momfog fans would certainly have problems with the menu. Anyway, I thought that if people couldn’t speak English, then they weren’t worth trying to communicate with…

Just kidding, of course. But I can imagine how my chats with Apostle Jack would be auto-translated!

You’re a church goer, right? Did Apostle Jack, messenger of God, influence you in any way? What did you learn from his ‘teachings’?

It’s funny you should mention Apostle Jack. I was just thinking today that you better not be ApostleJacking me around. Here I am, an innocent little mom, answering your questions and you’re probably planning to humiliate me. Apostle Jack has taught me to be afraid of people, especially if they are religious nutjobs or snarky bloggers.

My intentions are pure with you Mrs. Momfog.

You obviously have a passion for baking cakes (love the camera and toolbox!) so which do you prefer, to have your cake or eat it?

The camera cake is my favorite. Like most people, I prefer to have my cake and eat it too.

Controversial. Your blog has grown quite popular – what would you say are the reasons for your popularity (USPs)?

So I had to Google USPs. I assume you are NOT talking about The United States Pharmacopeia and mean Unique Selling Proposition, so I’ll answer accordingly.

USPs – sorry, it’s a sales term really. Unique Selling Points.

First of all, I’m not afraid to admit when I don’t know something and then make fun of myself for being such an idiot. People like to feel smarter than other people. Therefore, people like me.

Second, I am a fantastic writer.

Third, I don’t hold much back. I could pretend that I’m a sophisticated, wealthy woman who has everything together, but who wants to read about that? I want people (especially moms) to know that they aren’t the only ones with problems and that it’s okay. Rant about it, cry about it, and above all, laugh. It’s the only thing that keeps me from going crazy. After reading my blog, I think a lot of people are just glad they aren’t me.

Fourth, I am a shameless blog pimp.

Can you put these in order of importance for you?

Fried chicken, NASCAR, cakes, matches, blogging, guns, Garth Brooks, your first born, second born, third born, fourth born, fifth born (just kidding!)

1. Tie between all my offspring.

2. Blogging

3. Fried Chicken

4. Cakes

5. Matches

6. Guns

7. NASCAR and Garth Brooks? Seriously, are we doing southern stereotypes from 1996 or what?

Garth Brooks will always stay relevant.

Not to me of course, as he was never relevant. But he’s a legend to many desert-dwelling people.

Isn’t NASCAR popular anymore? I watched some of a race when I was in the US a few weeks ago. I thought that they were taking a long time to conclude the parade lap. Then I realised that the race had actually started! Seriously, how is anyone supposed to overtake when they just drive around an oval shape at full speed with no braking?

I wouldn’t say Garth Brooks has been relevant (to me) since “Friends in Low Places” which Wikipedia tells me came out in 1990. My God, that was over 20 yrs. ago. I am getting old.

NASCAR is extremely popular. I believe they sell out every race, but it’s not something I’m at all interested in. I’d rather watch paint dry

Lastly, what is your favourite blog and why?

I read a lot of great blogs, but there’s one that I never miss. It’s the one I look for when I only have a few minutes to do some reading.

Let Me Start By Saying… is my favorite blog. Kim is a mother of two, an amazing writer and she is hilarious. She is also genuine, smart, and “gets” the balancing act between mom and “normal person” that is so hard to manage. She is my blogging idol.

Any other favourite blogs?

Other favorite blogs? I recently gave 16 people blogging awards because I think they’re awesome. You can stop fishing. You’re on the list. 🙂

Fishing – moi? I don’t know what you mean. Thanks for the award though and for your candid answers.

Any other bloggers out there who are up for being victimised interviewed? Get in touch via my contact form.*

*No effort will be made to avoid misrepresentation, embarrassment or defamation of character.