“Oh my God… he just asked me if I wanted to go for a drink. He’s just too obvious!” So says the excitable twentysomething to her closest friend. Well, the police didn’t like it when I waited outside your house to ‘accidentally’ bump into you. And you screamed when I sprang from the back seat of your car with a bottle of wine and two glasses. So what’s a guy got to do to get date these days?
Call me old-fashioned if you will, but what ever happened to the days of boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy asks girl out to share a glass or three of bubbly alcoholic liquid? Am I now supposed to believe that this transparent declaration of interest belongs in a bygone era? If what this girl says is now the widely accepted belief, then I guess that I can stop wondering where I have been going wrong.
There will now follow a period of enlightenment. My behaviour will change from rational and logical interaction with the fairer sex to increasingly confusing and erratic interplay, as I seek to find ways to ask girls out without actually asking the question. Hell, I wouldn’t want them to realise that I might be attracted to them. Much better to engage in skillful subterfuge that will somehow manoeuvre them into position on a bar stool coincidently next to where I am sitting, casually reading the newspaper with a spare gin and tonic that must have been poured by mistake. What are the chances? Well, no point in letting it go to waste.
Of course I jest. I realise that no girl wants to be asked out within minutes of meeting a man who makes clear his intentions with his wandering eyes and drooling tendency. A man who you intuitively feel that, although he is asking the right questions, he is not really listening to your answers as he mentally undresses you with his eyes. You have no way of knowing for sure, but you hope that your icy stare will transmit your desire for him to stop doing that eye undressing thing will you?
I suggest a fair compromise. Single men should retract their shark fins and make the effort to get to know girls a little before suggesting that this encounter should be continued on another evening over a Babycham in a darkened bar. And single ladies should perhaps remove some of the obstacles that they have erected, if not fortified in some cases, to block the path to their affections. Why make him work for it?
There’s no point making the pre-date small talk into a dating disaster. Save that for the actual dates!