Hired as a Freelance Writer For Grazia… Almost

A friend of mine took it upon herself to act as my ‘agent’ to try to get me some freelance work for women’s magazines. Despite my low expectations of success, she went ahead and emailed several editorial contacts with the following message:

Just getting in touch because my friend (Stewart) has been writing a blog that has been causing a bit of a stir amongst my friends. He started off by writing an article called “Online Hating” (about Internet Dating), that was so honest and funny that anyone who ever had the misfortune of a bad date, could immediately identify with it – especially the girls!! He is a good-looking, funny guy with a dry sense of humour and I can imagine him writing “A guy’s point of view” style article in a magazine like Grazia. From the reactions of my friends, I know it would go down a storm! Here is the link. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

Unbelievably, someone from Grazia actually replied:

Hilarious! Sadly we’ve run a feature in the past on a man’s eye view of internet dating. However we are looking for a single guy to feature in a special on male baby hunger: to talk about how men get just a broody as women. Similar to this. Stewart, could I tempt you? Is your bilogical [sic] clock ticking? x

Male baby hunger?! What the hell is that meant to be? I know of no man who is ‘hungry’ for babies. Although I do appreciate the kiss, even if it follows a typo. I felt compelled to reply swiftly:

I only own logical clocks as I find bilogical ones to be just too confusing when I need to know the time. Male baby hunger? I would like children eventually but, as I’m a single guy, I don’t feel broody for babies at the moment. Maybe if I was in a long-term relationship I would feel that, but I found it impossible to read that Times article without tutting… Although I guess I understand what he is trying to get across. What would being featured actually mean? Glad you liked the blog post!

Okay, I guess I should have just let the ‘bilogical’ typo go. I couldn’t help but mention it! But she should expect that, right? She’s read the blog. But maybe I shouldn’t have been quite so flippant. She did reply though:

Shame! You’d have to talk about how you’re broody and seeking a mother of your future child! However we’re often looking for men to give opinions on issues so I’ll bare [sic] you in mind. x

Another kiss and she’ll ‘bare’ me in mind? I have visions of a naked features writer thinking of me… Unless that was another typo. I jest of course. I do know a brush off when it hits me between the eyes. I can’t say that I’m too bothered though. Why? Well, I would love to be a writer for a lifestyle magazine. Who wouldn’t? But the fact is that I am not in that industry and I do get satisfaction from having the freedom to write what I want, when I want, on my very own website. Working to a deadline and having to feign an interest in topics that have no interest to me, plus no doubt having to put up with nonsensical office politics, really doesn’t appeal. You could say that I couldn’t bare [sic] it. Not that I don’t appreciate the support of my friend and the positive comments. It’s just that I won’t bust a gland over being rejected. It’s probably for the best.

3 thoughts on “Hired as a Freelance Writer For Grazia… Almost

  1. Very amusing! That’s the problem with people like you and me: we like to have control over our lives. So many people want to control our lives, or our thoughts, or our writing of us.

    I’m glad to see you weren’t swayed by the lure of the almighty dollar!

    • No problem – I stole it from Steve Jobs! I change the quote underneath the header quite regularly, mixing the inspirational with the daft. 🙂

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