How Accurate is My Psychic Reading?

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Here is my reading, and remember, this woman was recommended on an online forum, so surely she should be accurate, right? Hmm… let’s see.

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Firstly, I would say that I feel you spending a lot of time at the computer [No shit, who doesn't these days?]. Very much as if it is your own world. I would like to see you interacting face-to-face with people as this will definitely benefit you and also balance you. I feel that this time at the computer is a form of escapism [It's mostly for work] which is good, but only in small doses.

We briefly discussed your flatmate, I feel he has a lot of negativity [No he doesn't] but also suppressed rage [He's a laid-back Norwegian] to do with his parents and his relationship with his father seems to be very complicated [He is on good terms with his Dad]. I almost have the sense they did not know each other very well [Your 'sense' is wrong]. Continue reading

I Talk To A Psychic

Capture

I’ve got absolutely no time for fortune tellers, psychics or whatever they want to call themselves. There is absolutely no evidence to back up their ludicrous claims and most simply prey on the vulnerable. To me they do nothing but fill the world with ‘spam’ by giving false hope. But, as I’m a hypocrite and willing to give anything a try once, I contacted one that had been recommended online.

Sent: 07/05/2013
To: suneet@divinesouls.co.uk
From: Stewie
Subject: Email reading

Hi Clairvoyant

I saw your contact details listed on the forum of Sofeminine.co.uk – obviously I’m not feminine but I’m in touch with my feminine side. Nothing wrong with that. I’m not embarrassed.

It’s perfectly normal. Lots of men are like that. Anyway, I was wondering about the logistics of your email sessions. Do you charge £25 for the whole email correspondence, as if it was a long conversation? Or would it simply be one email from you and that’s it? No replies allowed, no dialogue. Which would be very expensive!

I look forward to your reply.

Thanks

Stewie Continue reading

Natalya The Stripper (part 2)

Peek-a-boo!

The second installment of emails from Natalya the online scammer and my online alias of Duke Marmaduke. This won’t really make much sense if you haven’t read part one, so read it here before reading part two.

from: hotgirl5x@yahoo.com
to: stewiewordpress
11 April

Hello my lovely Duke!!!!!

I’m happy to receive a letter from you! I miss your letters and your words. And if it happens that i don’t find any new letters from you, i open your previous letters and read them again. So can you, write to me so often as you can? Just take a minute and write me a line or two. Continue reading

Natalya The Stripper (part 1)

Natalya, looking sweet and lovely

Ever wondered how long it would take for an internet dating scammer to get to the the request for money, and how they would fashion a believable story? I have. So after one such email made it through our ‘tough’ security at work and straight into my inbox [!], I assumed the identity of a reserved English Duke to find out. Some emails are edited as they were longer than a snake on a bungee jump.

from: hotgirl5x@yahoo.com
to: stewiewordpress
28 March

Howdy, i am Natalya and i want to talk with you! I found your e-mail thru a dating site so i thought, why don’t i give it a try ;)  I want to to find a good buddy, a man, maybe a lover.

yep, i used to talk about love and erotic themes straightly Continue reading

Moses and the Unquenchable Fire

Helpfully pointing out where the world is located

Moses from the New Hope Ministry posted on the WordPress forum in an effort to publicise his rather radical mission, whilst condemning non-believers. Who am I to turn down such a request from such a fair-minded and liberal individual?

Here is his interview. I’m sure you’ll agree it makes perfect sense.

Or it might confuse you. One or the other.

Your website states that ‘This site is not for dating, it is the site for the word of God’ – have people mistaken New Hope Ministry for a site that helps lonely singles? What is your opinion of people who use those sites?

(a) People ware posting dating and sexy web addresses on my blog so i decided to write down the instruction of my blog, because my blog is only for the work of God.

I think you’ll find that’s known as spam Moses. Continue reading

Another Internet Girlfriend

Eva, setting fire to a shop in the recent riots

I was thinking just recently. Maybe I shouldn’t have let my doomed relationship with Irina Fluffi and the subsequent threats from her husband Gustav put me off Internet dating. So with that in mind, I replied to a lovely email from a girl called Eva…

From: eva [mailto:aloohaeva@ymail.com]
Sent: 18 July 2011 15:01
To: stewie
Subject: how is your day? Give me please one advice.

Hello !

How is your day? How is your mood today? I hope my letter will find you in good mood.

I don’t remember where I found you. Maybe I found you at any social network or dating site… Really I don’t remember because much time has passed. But in any case I’m glad that now I can write to you. I think it’s cool to talk with someone from another country. Maybe we could share at least a few letters and get to know each other better? Continue reading