Child’s Play: BANG BANG You’re Dead

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Shocking news reported this week was the story of a five year old boy from Kentucky (naturally) who accidentally shot dead his two year old sister. First thoughts were that his parents must have been thoroughly irresponsible to leave their loaded gun in a place that was accessible to children. At that age kids will inevitably be curious about things.

But then it transpired that the gun that was used was actually the child’s own weapon, given to him as a present when he was four years old. Someone had actually thought it to be a good idea to give a pre-school child a .22 calibre gun.

Putting aside the debate on the right to bear arms, what rational adult thinks it’s appropriate to arm children? And then fail to supervise where and when this firearm is being used? This all makes the debates in the UK around exposing children to violence seem rather quaint. Continue reading

Top MILF Speaks Out

If you’ve arrived here via one of the many search engines out there, then I can only assume that you have an interest in an Islamist freedom fighting group based in the Philippines, as reported by Al Jazeera… Who doesn’t?

Okay, I know that’s not true. You actually have an interest in the more common definition of this acronym, don’t you? You naughty little boys. Of course you want to know about homemade fudge (Mother I’d Like Fudge). Well here’s something to get your juices flowing.

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I jest of course. When I saw a tweet from Al Jazeera mentioning an article about ‘the leader of the MILF’, it caught my attention.

Once I stopped laughing, I clicked through to discover that an Islamist insurgent group has a rather unfortunate acronym in English. How could they not know about the more common definition – have they not seen American Pie?  Continue reading

A Pint of Piss Water Please!

images (2)“How can you drink that? It’s piss water!” So exclaimed my Australian girlfriend in horror as I put the pint of Fosters lager to my lips. Well, the truth is, I find it quite easy to drink. Let’s be honest, most lagers can hardly be described as being at the top of the taste tree. We hate them when we first try them as children teenagers, but eventually our taste buds grow used to the sharp, frothy beverage.

If truth be told, many beers taste very similar. So why do people react with revulsion and disapprove of certain beers? After all, isn’t it just a matter of personal taste?

Ask any Australians, and the chances are that they will be adamant that Fosters is not an Australian beer. It just isn’t sold there. This despite evidence to the contrary. In the 1970s, Fosters was considered a premium brand, but the emergence of other regional lagers meant that sales fell, and regional pride fuelled a negative image that prevails to this day. But there are still some sales! I’ve seen it in some pubs myself whilst on my travels. Continue reading

Crap Jobs I’ve Had #2: Selling Insurance to Dead People

olddriverAfter bumming around in commission-only jobs since leaving university, I decided that it was about time for me to get a ‘proper’ job. The type with benefits and my own desk… And an uncomfortable headset connected to an automatic dialler.

I applied for a job with Retirement Insurance Advisory Services (RIAS), a company that specialises in insurance products for those who’ve lived life and have the wrinkles to prove it. That’s not their company slogan, by the way. I made the grade and started my training…

Three bloody weeks of it! Quite why they thought it necessary to take quite so long to bring the new recruits up to speed is beyond me. Especially when we were told in no uncertain terms that we had a tried-and-tested script to stick to. No deviation. In between never ending role play scenarios, I wondered if life really had to be quite so dull. Continue reading

Revenge Of The Ex-Employees

hmv-tweetsLast week saw the rather amusing consequence of a poorly run company, that fails to evolve in an ever-changing market, fall into the hands of administrators who, whilst sharpening their hatchets to make the necessary job cuts, failed to notice that disgruntled employees had vented their fury via the medium of Twitter.

Of course, I am referring to the music and games retailer HMV; a company that in its wisdom presumably decided that digital downloads were a passing fad and that large high street stores made good business sense. They did well to last as long as 2013.

The tweets that quickly went viral and were picked up by the media can be seen on the left. They were of course deleted once management became aware of the bad publicity. But the damage was already done.

Much more funny than these tweets is something that I stumbled upon recently. Continue reading

White Stuff Falls From The Sky

Stay in the tracks, it's the only way to make it through!

Stay in the tracks, it’s the only way to make it through!

Drama unfolded over the past week as a rarely seen natural phenomenon occurred over much of the British Isles. It was so cold that rain actually froze and fell to earth in flakes of snow; something that has not been seen since way back. Last year sometime. But we can’t say we weren’t warned.

Weather forecasters informed us of impending doom. We should only travel “if absolutely necessary”. As a result, countless people decided against partaking in their evening hobby of driving around aimlessly in circles. It was just too dangerous. 

Then the heavens opened and the snow cometh. Parts of the west experienced blizzards with gusts up to 5mph, resulting in drifts capable of obscuring predatory polar bears, quite possibly looking for new territory due to the melting ice cap, attracted by the ‘arctic’ conditions. Understandably, faced with such dangers, schools closed. Just in case. Continue reading

London Bids For The Gay Games

The official kit for the rugby caused some controversy

The official kit for the rugby caused some controversy

For those of you who may have missed it, London has made a determined bid to keep the Olympic legacy alive, by applying to host the 2018 Gay Games. Yes, this actually exists, I kid you not. The next ‘event’ will be held next year in Cleveland. And they actually think that there will be enough spectator interest to use some of the Olympic venues.

So what does the Gay Games actually involve? Perhaps games of ‘chase me’ or Twister? Or touch rugby? Well no, not those it seems. Putting aside silly stereotypes, it has a full array of sports such as cycling, football and golf. But also slightly unusual events such as rodeo and bodybuilding, as well as ‘Dancesport’, which apparently is competitive ballroom dancing. Well, if they have golf… Continue reading