A Crabby Old Fart

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome an interview with a star of the blogging community; the comic genius that is the self-styled Crabby Old Fart who has polarised public opinion discussing ‘The Problem With Young People Today…’

What would you like me to call you – Don, Donald, Crabby Old Fart or Mr Mills?

I’d prefer you didn’t call me – I like to keep my line free for emergencies. I try to limit my use of the telephone to testing 911 response times for police and ambulance. It may sound like an abuse of the system but I feel I have a right to know if an emergency responder is likely to arrive at my house 5 minutes or 45 minutes after my pacemaker goes on the fritz.

But I digress.

I’ve actually addressed this in my comment policy – primarily because I was growing weary of young people referring to me as “pappy” or “f u old dude.”  Here is a small portion of relevant section. Next time, I’d ask that you do your damned homework before sending me these kinds of questions. Continue reading

Momfog Interview

This is the first in an occasional series of interviews with fellow bloggers. A mom and cake baker/decorator with a penchant for arson home improvement, Momfog has seen her blog grow impressively since it’s inception in January.

So what do you prefer to be called, momfog, mom, fog, foggy or fogface?

My friends call me Moms or Foggy, you can call me Mrs. Momfog.

Okay Mrs. Momfog. A few months ago I know that disaster struck, with a fire at your family home. How has the transition been back to normal life and has it taken long?

The transition from loss of all worldly goods to new home with too many worldly goods has not been easy or quick. We’re still missing some essentials and have way too many non-essentials. How many sheet sets does one family need? Continue reading

Mr. Callous vs. Mr. Charity

Mitch and Amy Whinehouse in happier times

The death of Amy Whinehouse caused reverberations through the music industry. Sure, she had her well-documented problems, but there was no denying her talent. So it seems fitting for her father Mitch Whinehouse to set-up a charity in her name, to help causes that were close to her heart.

But unfortunately, where most of us see only a positive outcome from a personal tragedy, others see an avenue to profit for their own selfish ends. Yes, step forward king of pond life, Martin McCann, who felt compelled to register the charity’s name and web domains in his name, before informing the bereaved father that he would be open to offers to relinquish his ownership.

McCann said to The Sun. “I’m not exploiting anything yet. I’ve just bought some domain names. Anybody could have. It only takes the click of a mouse.” Oh, sure you’re not! Continue reading

Obama vs. Osama

More than a week has passed since the apparent ‘assassination’ of Osama Bin Laden on the command of Barrack Obama and, as the days passed and more information came to light, it gave us all the chance to fully digest the implications of such an act of revenge.

Most puzzling of all, is the inability of the American hierarchy to have an agreed story of exactly how events unfolded. First there were reports of a firefight, during which courageous special forces stormed the building and shot Bin Laden as he was reaching for a gun whilst shielding himself with his wife. Now it turns out that he was unarmed and that his wife was making a run towards the special forces (or perhaps for the door) and only one of Bin Laden’s party was actually firing a weapon.

Whatever, despite the inevitable conspiracy theories, it does now seem to be undisputed by those in the know, including Al Qaeda, that the figurehead of the 9/11 attacks is no more, which is the biggest loss to the worldwide beard community since the wacky Joaquim Phoenix sobered up and remembered where he’d put the razor. Continue reading

Royal Wedding Afternoon Report

Kate Middleton arrives with her father

This report follows the Royal Wedding TM early morning report. My God it was cold this morning. Some spectators wrapped themselves in foil in an effort to keep warm. Up on our prime viewing position we felt the cold wind as it blew in from the North and we swigged back hot cups of tea and coffee whilst we prayed for the time to move quicker and the sun to come out.

By now we were locked inside our building deep inside the secured inner sanctum around Westminster Abbey. We even had our own bobby on the beat – a policeman ready to pounce from behind if we did anything that threatened to disrupt the Royal Wedding TM.

The noise and excitement that had punctuated the air in the previous evening and early morning had gradually given way to hushed expectation. The ‘commoners’ amongst the invited congregation were the first to arrive, including David and Victoria Beckham and Elton John. Continue reading

Royal Wedding Early Morning Report

From: gustavfluffy@hotmail.co.uk
To: stewie
Subject: I come to Royals wedding so we fight
Date: Wed, 27 Apr 2011 16:29:01

Stewie

I come to Landon and we meet in streets and fight for love of wife woman of mine.

Send me adress for you.

Gustav

Him again?! Give me a break… The day before The Royal Wedding TM and Gustav still wants a fight, but no matter, as there are more pressing concerns. Due to security measures that are even tighter than for the Pope visit last year, a group of my colleagues and I chose to sleep overnight in the office, faced with an early morning lockdown.

The crowds really started to build around Westminster Abbey from Thursday morning, joining the over enthusiastic souls who, for some reason, had felt the need to camp since Tuesday. Honestly, there was room along the route if you wanted to come along in the morning! And who could blame them for wanting to witness the most famous celebrity wedding on this date since the marriage of Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun. I’m not making that up, it really was on the 29th April 1945! Continue reading

The Biggest Threat To The Royal Wedding

The office I work in is situated right next door to Westminster Abbey, the location for The Royal Wedding TM on 29th April. As we have balconies, we thought that we should take advantage of such sought after views and watch The Royal Wedding TM from our exclusive first floor vantage point. What a great opportunity to witness British history in the making? After all, it is rare for proletariat such as us to gain such close access to the aristocracy. Power to the peasants, I say.

But there is only one problem. Our location for The Royal Wedding TM is in the ‘ring of steel’ restricted area, alongside Westminster Abbey, in a security crackdown even bigger than for the Pope’s visit last year. We are literally a stone’s throw from where the action will happen and the police and Palace security are worried that we could, well, throw a stone perhaps, or disrupt proceedings in another way, maybe by throwing a publicity stunt or shouting out ‘FOX MURDERERS!’ when the Duke of Edniburgh and Queen Elizabeth arrive for the service. As if the thought would ever cross my mind… Continue reading