Here is my reading, and remember, this woman was recommended on an online forum, so surely she should be accurate, right? Hmm… let’s see.
Firstly, I would say that I feel you spending a lot of time at the computer [No shit, who doesn't these days?]. Very much as if it is your own world. I would like to see you interacting face-to-face with people as this will definitely benefit you and also balance you. I feel that this time at the computer is a form of escapism [It's mostly for work] which is good, but only in small doses.
We briefly discussed your flatmate, I feel he has a lot of negativity [No he doesn't] but also suppressed rage [He's a laid-back Norwegian] to do with his parents and his relationship with his father seems to be very complicated [He is on good terms with his Dad]. I almost have the sense they did not know each other very well [Your 'sense' is wrong]. Continue reading
After bumming around in commission-only jobs since leaving university, I decided that it was about time for me to get a ‘proper’ job. The type with benefits and my own desk… And an uncomfortable headset connected to an automatic dialler.
I applied for a job with Retirement Insurance Advisory Services (RIAS), a company that specialises in insurance products for those who’ve lived life and have the wrinkles to prove it. That’s not their company slogan, by the way. I made the grade and started my training…
Three bloody weeks of it! Quite why they thought it necessary to take quite so long to bring the new recruits up to speed is beyond me. Especially when we were told in no uncertain terms that we had a tried-and-tested script to stick to. No deviation. In between never ending role play scenarios, I wondered if life really had to be quite so dull. Continue reading
Looking back to my formative years, it’s fair to say that I’ve had a few crap jobs in my time. So it feels right to share my hideous experiences. One that instantly springs to mind was when I left university and, in my desperation to find work, I took a position as a vacuum cleaner salesman… Commission only.
This was not any old vacuum cleaner, oh no. It was a Filter Queen. Despite having a name that makes it sound like an overly camp man who insists on only drinking percolated coffee, it was actually a very good product. And it still exists. Quoted from the website (formatted to 1990s style 4:3 screen ratio):
The future of clean is now. The FilterQueen® Indoor Air Quality System uses its proven technology to create a cleaner, healthier home environment that is protected from harmful pollutants such as dust mites, allergens, viruses, mold spores and bacteria. Continue reading
This month I experienced my first viral experience. But don’t worry, I haven’t been exposed to sickly toddlers or infested air conditioning. I have in fact witnessed a sudden surge in the popularity of This Little Thing Called Life, attributed to search traffic directed to my Life Changing Decisions post. And I’m talking about a jump from 100 or so daily views to a whopping 5,861 views over two days.
Whilst this may seem like a welcome boost and a testament to impressive ‘organic’ search marketing, I wonder if all is what it seems? Whilst I am delighted that most of my older posts continue to attract readers via natural search traffic, such sudden spikes for no obvious reason, do seem rather odd. Especially when they come via an image search term!
How many of these impressions were simple click on-click off users who didn’t read more than a line or two? Alas, I fear that most of them were. Continue reading
Porsche found Easyjet’s economy seats tended to stiffen her up
Some time ago, I was working for a sales team that promoted businesses through privilege cards; schemes that allowed users special discounts on services. One of our best campaigns was for several bars and a strip club in Bournemouth. There were numerous 2 for 1 drink vouchers and free entry to the strip club. Needless to say, several of these cards were claimed by team members for their own personal use via the unofficial staff five-finger discount scheme. Consequently, after work drinks inevitably involved unlimited half price drinks followed by the company of ‘exotic’ dancers.
I hate strip clubs, but if there is free entry then I can be persuaded to follow the crowd. Continue reading
I’m sick of it. I swear, if one more foreigner complains about the weather in the UK, I might just scream. We know that when it’s summer it should be sunny and warm. We understand that you are unhappy with the unpredictable nature of the weather. We don’t like it either. We also realise, that where you come from has much better weather. Bully for you. You do understand that we have no control over our weather patterns, right? If you persist with your complaining we may just forcefully kick your butt back to whichever utopian paradise you claim as your own.Usain Bolt was recently asked what he thought of the UK. “It’s alright, apart from the weather”, he said. Thanks for that Usain.
It’s a bit like me saying that Jamaica is alright apart from the poverty and fear of violent crime. Continue reading
The ski jump at Lillehammer
Tour of southern Norway
Once again I embarked on a road trip with my travelling companion Big Boy; this time in Norway, starting in Oslo. Of course, the first thing to ensure when travelling, is that you actually take a flight that lands in your destination city. Not to take a budget airline flight that lands somewhere amongst a thicket of trees, somewhere near a reindeer farm… 1.75 hours away from Oslo. Torp airport is so quiet that the ‘express’ bus to Oslo actually waits for the Ryanair flight to land before setting off! Continue reading