Category Archives: That’s Life!

A Pint of Piss Water Please!

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images (2)“How can you drink that? It’s piss water!” So exclaimed my Australian girlfriend in horror as I put the pint of Fosters lager to my lips. Well, the truth is, I find it quite easy to drink. Let’s be honest, most lagers can hardly be described as being at the top of the taste tree. We hate them when we first try them as children teenagers, but eventually our taste buds grow used to the sharp, frothy beverage.

If truth be told, many beers taste very similar. So why do people react with revulsion and disapprove of certain beers? After all, isn’t it just a matter of personal taste?

Ask any Australians, and the chances are that they will be adamant that Fosters is not an Australian beer. It just isn’t sold there. This despite evidence to the contrary. In the 1970s, Fosters was considered a premium brand, but the emergence of other regional lagers meant that sales fell, and regional pride fuelled a negative image that prevails to this day. But there are still some sales! I’ve seen it in some pubs myself whilst on my travels. Continue reading →

Crap Jobs I’ve Had #2: Selling Insurance to Dead People

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olddriverAfter bumming around in commission-only jobs since leaving university, I decided that it was about time for me to get a ‘proper’ job. The type with benefits and my own desk… And an uncomfortable headset connected to an automatic dialler.

I applied for a job with Retirement Insurance Advisory Services (RIAS), a company that specialises in insurance products for those who’ve lived life and have the wrinkles to prove it. That’s not their company slogan, by the way. I made the grade and started my training…

Three bloody weeks of it! Quite why they thought it necessary to take quite so long to bring the new recruits up to speed is beyond me. Especially when we were told in no uncertain terms that we had a tried-and-tested script to stick to. No deviation. In between never ending role play scenarios, I wondered if life really had to be quite so dull. Continue reading →

Crap Jobs I’ve Had #1: Vacuum Cleaner Salesman

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filterqueenLooking back to my formative years, it’s fair to say that I’ve had a few crap jobs in my time. So it feels right to share my hideous experiences. One that instantly springs to mind was when I left university and, in my desperation to find work, I took a position as a vacuum cleaner salesman… Commission only.

This was not any old vacuum cleaner, oh no. It was a Filter Queen. Despite having a name that makes it sound like an overly camp man who insists on only drinking percolated coffee, it was actually a very good product. And it still exists. Quoted from the website (formatted to 1990s style 4:3 screen ratio):

The future of clean is now. The FilterQueen® Indoor Air Quality System uses its proven technology to create a cleaner, healthier home environment that is protected from harmful pollutants such as dust mites, allergens, viruses, mold spores and bacteria. Continue reading →

Going Viral

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viralThis month I experienced my first viral experience. But don’t worry, I haven’t been exposed to sickly toddlers or infested air conditioning. I have in fact witnessed a sudden surge in the popularity of This Little Thing Called Life, attributed to search traffic directed to my Life Changing Decisions post. And I’m talking about a jump from 100 or so daily views to a whopping 5,861 views over two days.

Whilst this may seem like a welcome boost and a testament to impressive ‘organic’ search marketing, I wonder if all is what it seems? Whilst I am delighted that most of my older posts continue to attract readers via natural search traffic, such sudden spikes for no obvious reason, do seem rather odd. Especially when they come via an image search term!

How many of these impressions were simple click on-click off users who didn’t read more than a line or two? Alas, I fear that most of them were. Continue reading →

Does Siri Know the Meaning of Life?

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Those of you who are unaware of what Siri is, then allow me to enlighten you. Fashion victims such as myself who have spent a disproportionate amount of money to acquire the latest iPhone, instead of opting for an alternative cheaper model that works just as well, if not better, don’t want to be told this. It’s made by Apple so it has to be the best.

So you can imagine our joy at discovering the one feature that surely must be the stand out technology; something that could quite possibly make our lives complete. Yes, if you push and hold the big round button on an iPhone… wait for it… It talks!

Siri doesn’t just waffle nonsense, like Twiki from the old Buck Rogers movies. No, Siri actually asks: ‘What can I help you with?’ This got me thinking. Continue reading →

Don’t Touch The Strippers

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Porsche found Easyjet’s economy seats tended to stiffen her up

Some time ago, I was working for a sales team that promoted businesses through privilege cards; schemes that allowed users special discounts on services. One of our best campaigns was for several bars and a strip club in Bournemouth. There were numerous 2 for 1 drink vouchers and free entry to the strip club. Needless to say, several of these cards were claimed by team members for their own personal use via the unofficial staff five-finger discount scheme. Consequently, after work drinks inevitably involved unlimited half price drinks followed by the company of ‘exotic’ dancers.

I hate strip clubs, but if there is free entry then I can be persuaded to follow the crowd. Continue reading →

The Terrible Twos

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When I started this blog in July 2010, I had no idea how long it would interest me and whether it would be popular. Yet here I sit, heading into the third year of its existence and I still manage to find the time and the inspiration to write.

Regular readers will have noticed a trend over the last 10 months. The posts have gone from twice a week to once a week, if that. The truth is, that having taken on additional study, I just haven’t had the time to ponder life’s curiosities and start typing. I already endeavour to lead life to the fullest, so in my busy calendar, I guess something had to give.

One thing that hasn’t changed is my editorial philosophy: quality, not quantity… although I’m sure some may dispute the level of quality! But that’s just a matter of taste. Continue reading →