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Bad Manners

29 May

“Good day dear sir. May I commend you on your driving ability. Godspeed to you.“

There are few things in life that bother me more than someone being disrespectful. That really gets my goat. Good manners cost nothing. Why should ignorant people feel that they have the right to disturb my metaphorical goat that was quite happily grazing in its pen of solitude, minding its own business? Some people…

Take the people who are either incredibly unobservant or unbelievably inconsiderate, and pretend not to notice when an elderly passenger gets on the bus. No really, please take them. Away from me. No amount of staring seems to have the desired effect. Allow me to be the chivalrous one then. Maybe they just don’t care.

Just like a man I had the misfortune to meet in my gym. At peak times, it’s common to share use of the machines, alternating sets. That’s normal. This guy acted like I’d just slapped him on the arse and said “Giddy-up big boy”, whilst undressing him with my eyes. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on Tuesday, 29 May, 2012 in That's Life!

 

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I Need Your Help!

24 May

Are you resident in the UK and between the ages of 21 and 65? Can you spare a few minutes of your time to complete two online questionnaires? Of course you can, you’ll do that for me, right? It is for my Forensic Psychology MSc dissertation.

It is anonymous and confidential so, don’t worry, you don’t have to worry about your dad finding out about that sneaky spliff you had at college.

Who knows, maybe it will even get published. In which case, you’ll be a part of forensic psychology history. You really will be changing the world. In a very small way. But it all counts.

The aim of this research is to ascertain if there are any differences between men and women in attitudes towards sentencing and towards drug use. This has implications for jury decision making which may mean that closer attention needs to be paid to the gender split of juries. Any gender differences may also affect the chances of offenders being imprisoned or given alternate outcomes.

So, can you help me? Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on Thursday, 24 May, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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A Break From The Norm

20 May

It was a cool, dark Monday evening as I drove to a local sports centre for my team’s six-a-side football match. I was only a bit-part player, but much-needed on this evening, as we had a squad of only six!

After changing into my kit, I made my way out to the pitch-side area, a dark corridor between the astroturf and the tennis courts alongside. I’d only taken a few steps, mindfully looking up to check for stray balls coming my way, when  I suddenly felt myself falling. Automatically, my arms outstretched to break my fall. They straightened at the same time as my hands touched the ground. Yes, my fall had been broken, but I had taken the full impact on my arms, which didn’t have a chance to bend.

Embarrassed, I tried to help myself up from the equipment that I had fallen across. I couldn’t really grip the wire fence to pull myself up, but I somehow managed to stand up, despite a sharp pain. I thought that I must have injured some ligaments or strained a muscle. But at least few people had seen my clumsiness. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on Sunday, 20 May, 2012 in That's Life!

 

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Hair We Go Again

13 May

This week saw the television appearance of Emer O’Toole, a young lady who has decided not to shave her body hair; going against what she sees as unfair cultural expectations for women. Apparently, she stopped shaving as an ‘experiment’ and stuck with it.

I have a number of issues with this story, over and above the obvious cultural norms debate. Firstly, I’m not sure how refraining from doing something that will lead to inevitable consequences can be termed as an ‘experiment’. It’s a bit like going on hunger strike in an experiment to see if you will lose weight.

Secondly, how the hell was this woman booked for a TV show? Does she have an agent, or did they place an ad somewhere? Or maybe her hairy body has given her notoriety in her home town,or she was pro-active and contacted the producers herself in an effort to seek fame. The mind boggles. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on Sunday, 13 May, 2012 in That's Life!

 

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Dr Abdul-Malik’s Investment Opportunity

08 May

I’m well used to receiving the occasional scam email, but it was a new experience to receive not one, but two faxes from Dr Sitin Abdul-Malik, who claimed to have a wonderful investment opportunity. I ignored the first one. But then I couldn’t resist replying to the follow-up.

It read:

Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on Tuesday, 8 May, 2012 in Spam Fighting

 

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Stewie’s Guide To Singles Parties

06 May

No-one looks this good at singles parties. Ever.

So you’ve decided that you will take the plunge and give a singles party a try. If you’re a lady, you’ll no doubt opt for the safety-in-numbers approach and ask (or beg, or possibly have to pay for) some of your closest friends (or anyone who you know that is female and single) to go along with you.

If you’re a bloke, then it’s more difficult. If you take a friend, then it has to be someone who is fairly normal, but not someone who can steal the attention of the nicest girls. Or maybe you should just go on your own and try not to give off the impression that you’re a loner who stays in on Saturday nights to watch the Twilight movies with his mother.

Once you arrive you will be given either a padlock (ladies) or a key (men). These are meant as icebreakers. That is, they are an excuse to approach someone and make a conversation. So don’t make the mistake of obsessing over finding a lock/key combination that works. The prizes are crap anyway. You’re meant to chat, dummy, not walk away in disappointment when yet another lock fails to open. You’re not trying to unlock a pirate’s treasure chest. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on Sunday, 6 May, 2012 in Dating Disasters

 

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Natalya The Stripper (part 2)

27 Apr

Peek-a-boo!

The second installment of emails from Natalya the online scammer and my online alias of Duke Marmaduke. This won’t really make much sense if you haven’t read part one, so read it here before reading part two.

from: hotgirl5x@yahoo.com
to: stewiewordpress
11 April

Hello my lovely Duke!!!!!

I’m happy to receive a letter from you! I miss your letters and your words. And if it happens that i don’t find any new letters from you, i open your previous letters and read them again. So can you, write to me so often as you can? Just take a minute and write me a line or two.

I’m very pleased with your attention and its so pity when you have no chance to answer my letter quickly. So can you, write to me so often as you can? [I'll consider it]

I think that the phone can spare some time for our dialogue [is the phone busy?!] but right now i don’t have a phone. Its still broken and i think i wont buy new one here. As my travel coming up i rather buy a nice cool phone at your country, and im sure it will be significantly cheaper [probably not]. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on Friday, 27 April, 2012 in Spam Fighting

 

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