How Accurate is My Psychic Reading?

by in Spam Fighting and tagged , , , | Permalink

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Here is my reading, and remember, this woman was recommended on an online forum, so surely she should be accurate, right? Hmm… let’s see.

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Firstly, I would say that I feel you spending a lot of time at the computer [No shit, who doesn't these days?]. Very much as if it is your own world. I would like to see you interacting face-to-face with people as this will definitely benefit you and also balance you. I feel that this time at the computer is a form of escapism [It's mostly for work] which is good, but only in small doses.

We briefly discussed your flatmate, I feel he has a lot of negativity [No he doesn't] but also suppressed rage [He's a laid-back Norwegian] to do with his parents and his relationship with his father seems to be very complicated [He is on good terms with his Dad]. I almost have the sense they did not know each other very well [Your 'sense' is wrong]. Continue reading →

I Talk To A Psychic

by in Spam Fighting and tagged , , , | Permalink

Capture

I’ve got absolutely no time for fortune tellers, psychics or whatever they want to call themselves. There is absolutely no evidence to back up their ludicrous claims and most simply prey on the vulnerable. To me they do nothing but fill the world with ‘spam’ by giving false hope. But, as I’m a hypocrite and willing to give anything a try once, I contacted one that had been recommended online.

Sent: 07/05/2013
To: suneet@divinesouls.co.uk
From: Stewie
Subject: Email reading

Hi Clairvoyant

I saw your contact details listed on the forum of Sofeminine.co.uk – obviously I’m not feminine but I’m in touch with my feminine side. Nothing wrong with that. I’m not embarrassed.

It’s perfectly normal. Lots of men are like that. Anyway, I was wondering about the logistics of your email sessions. Do you charge £25 for the whole email correspondence, as if it was a long conversation? Or would it simply be one email from you and that’s it? No replies allowed, no dialogue. Which would be very expensive!

I look forward to your reply.

Thanks

Stewie Continue reading →

Epic LinkedIn.com Fails

by in Random Rants and tagged , , , , | Permalink

DS

A picture paints a thousand words, apparently. So just look at these classic profiles on the business network LinkedIn.com and wonder how it is that these people thought that it could ever be a good idea to portray themselves to potential business contacts in such unusual ways, leaving you ultimately lost for words to express your feelings.

Step forward Mr Scott, the self-proclaimed ‘Founder Potential’, whatever that means. His role ‘is to advise, laugh, argue with people’. His first job was being Mickey Mouse for Walt Disney. Who are we to disagree? FAIL!

Continue reading →

Child’s Play: BANG BANG You’re Dead

by in Newsworthy and tagged , , | Permalink

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Shocking news reported this week was the story of a five year old boy from Kentucky (naturally) who accidentally shot dead his two year old sister. First thoughts were that his parents must have been thoroughly irresponsible to leave their loaded gun in a place that was accessible to children. At that age kids will inevitably be curious about things.

But then it transpired that the gun that was used was actually the child’s own weapon, given to him as a present when he was four years old. Someone had actually thought it to be a good idea to give a pre-school child a .22 calibre gun.

Putting aside the debate on the right to bear arms, what rational adult thinks it’s appropriate to arm children? And then fail to supervise where and when this firearm is being used? This all makes the debates in the UK around exposing children to violence seem rather quaint. Continue reading →

Top MILF Speaks Out

by in Newsworthy and tagged , , , , | Permalink

If you’ve arrived here via one of the many search engines out there, then I can only assume that you have an interest in an Islamist freedom fighting group based in the Philippines, as reported by Al Jazeera… Who doesn’t?

Okay, I know that’s not true. You actually have an interest in the more common definition of this acronym, don’t you? You naughty little boys. Of course you want to know about homemade fudge (Mother I’d Like Fudge). Well here’s something to get your juices flowing.

Clotted-Cream-Fudge__44735

I jest of course. When I saw a tweet from Al Jazeera mentioning an article about ‘the leader of the MILF’, it caught my attention.

Once I stopped laughing, I clicked through to discover that an Islamist insurgent group has a rather unfortunate acronym in English. How could they not know about the more common definition – have they not seen American Pie?  Continue reading →

A Pint of Piss Water Please!

by in That's Life! and tagged , | Permalink

images (2)“How can you drink that? It’s piss water!” So exclaimed my Australian girlfriend in horror as I put the pint of Fosters lager to my lips. Well, the truth is, I find it quite easy to drink. Let’s be honest, most lagers can hardly be described as being at the top of the taste tree. We hate them when we first try them as children teenagers, but eventually our taste buds grow used to the sharp, frothy beverage.

If truth be told, many beers taste very similar. So why do people react with revulsion and disapprove of certain beers? After all, isn’t it just a matter of personal taste?

Ask any Australians, and the chances are that they will be adamant that Fosters is not an Australian beer. It just isn’t sold there. This despite evidence to the contrary. In the 1970s, Fosters was considered a premium brand, but the emergence of other regional lagers meant that sales fell, and regional pride fuelled a negative image that prevails to this day. But there are still some sales! I’ve seen it in some pubs myself whilst on my travels. Continue reading →

Crap Jobs I’ve Had #2: Selling Insurance to Dead People

by in That's Life! and tagged , , | Permalink

olddriverAfter bumming around in commission-only jobs since leaving university, I decided that it was about time for me to get a ‘proper’ job. The type with benefits and my own desk… And an uncomfortable headset connected to an automatic dialler.

I applied for a job with Retirement Insurance Advisory Services (RIAS), a company that specialises in insurance products for those who’ve lived life and have the wrinkles to prove it. That’s not their company slogan, by the way. I made the grade and started my training…

Three bloody weeks of it! Quite why they thought it necessary to take quite so long to bring the new recruits up to speed is beyond me. Especially when we were told in no uncertain terms that we had a tried-and-tested script to stick to. No deviation. In between never ending role play scenarios, I wondered if life really had to be quite so dull. Continue reading →