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A Break From The Norm

It was a cool, dark Monday evening as I drove to a local sports centre for my team’s six-a-side football match. I was only a bit-part player, but much-needed on this evening, as we had a squad of only six!

After changing into my kit, I made my way out to the pitch-side area, a dark corridor between the astroturf and the tennis courts alongside. I’d only taken a few steps, mindfully looking up to check for stray balls coming my way, when  I suddenly felt myself falling. Automatically, my arms outstretched to break my fall. They straightened at the same time as my hands touched the ground. Yes, my fall had been broken, but I had taken the full impact on my arms, which didn’t have a chance to bend.

Embarrassed, I tried to help myself up from the equipment that I had fallen across. I couldn’t really grip the wire fence to pull myself up, but I somehow managed to stand up, despite a sharp pain. I thought that I must have injured some ligaments or strained a muscle. But at least few people had seen my clumsiness. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on Sunday, 20 May, 2012 in That's Life!

 

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Hair We Go Again

This week saw the television appearance of Emer O’Toole, a young lady who has decided not to shave her body hair; going against what she sees as unfair cultural expectations for women. Apparently, she stopped shaving as an ‘experiment’ and stuck with it.

I have a number of issues with this story, over and above the obvious cultural norms debate. Firstly, I’m not sure how refraining from doing something that will lead to inevitable consequences can be termed as an ‘experiment’. It’s a bit like going on hunger strike in an experiment to see if you will lose weight.

Secondly, how the hell was this woman booked for a TV show? Does she have an agent, or did they place an ad somewhere? Or maybe her hairy body has given her notoriety in her home town,or she was pro-active and contacted the producers herself in an effort to seek fame. The mind boggles. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on Sunday, 13 May, 2012 in That's Life!

 

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Dr Abdul-Malik’s Investment Opportunity

I’m well used to receiving the occasional scam email, but it was a new experience to receive not one, but two faxes from Dr Sitin Abdul-Malik, who claimed to have a wonderful investment opportunity. I ignored the first one. But then I couldn’t resist replying to the follow-up.

It read:

Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on Tuesday, 8 May, 2012 in Spam Fighting

 

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Stewie’s Guide To Singles Parties

No-one looks this good at singles parties. Ever.

So you’ve decided that you will take the plunge and give a singles party a try. If you’re a lady, you’ll no doubt opt for the safety-in-numbers approach and ask (or beg, or possibly have to pay for) some of your closest friends (or anyone who you know that is female and single) to go along with you.

If you’re a bloke, then it’s more difficult. If you take a friend, then it has to be someone who is fairly normal, but not someone who can steal the attention of the nicest girls. Or maybe you should just go on your own and try not to give off the impression that you’re a loner who stays in on Saturday nights to watch the Twilight movies with his mother.

Once you arrive you will be given either a padlock (ladies) or a key (men). These are meant as icebreakers. That is, they are an excuse to approach someone and make a conversation. So don’t make the mistake of obsessing over finding a lock/key combination that works. The prizes are crap anyway. You’re meant to chat, dummy, not walk away in disappointment when yet another lock fails to open. You’re not trying to unlock a pirate’s treasure chest. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on Sunday, 6 May, 2012 in Dating Disasters

 

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Natalya The Stripper (part 2)

Peek-a-boo!

The second installment of emails from Natalya the online scammer and my online alias of Duke Marmaduke. This won’t really make much sense if you haven’t read part one, so read it here before reading part two.

from: hotgirl5x@yahoo.com
to: stewiewordpress
11 April

Hello my lovely Duke!!!!!

I’m happy to receive a letter from you! I miss your letters and your words. And if it happens that i don’t find any new letters from you, i open your previous letters and read them again. So can you, write to me so often as you can? Just take a minute and write me a line or two.

I’m very pleased with your attention and its so pity when you have no chance to answer my letter quickly. So can you, write to me so often as you can? [I'll consider it]

I think that the phone can spare some time for our dialogue [is the phone busy?!] but right now i don’t have a phone. Its still broken and i think i wont buy new one here. As my travel coming up i rather buy a nice cool phone at your country, and im sure it will be significantly cheaper [probably not]. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on Friday, 27 April, 2012 in Spam Fighting

 

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Natalya The Stripper (part 1)

Natalya, looking sweet and lovely

Ever wondered how long it would take for an internet dating scammer to get to the the request for money, and how they would fashion a believable story? I have. So after one such email made it through our ‘tough’ security at work and straight into my inbox [!], I assumed the identity of a reserved English Duke to find out. Some emails are edited as they were longer than a snake on a bungee jump.

from: hotgirl5x@yahoo.com
to: stewiewordpress
28 March

Howdy, i am Natalya and i want to talk with you! I found your e-mail thru a dating site so i thought, why don’t i give it a try ;)  I want to to find a good buddy, a man, maybe a lover.

yep, i used to talk about love and erotic themes straightly and i don’t like any hidden catches, so if you don’t mind we could use a chance to chat a little and share a couple of photos with each other, maybe some hot photos also?! ;)

So, if you are even just a little curious, please mail me to my e-mail: hotgirl5x@yahoo.com

I hope you find my proposal interesting and you’ll reply soon!

Lots of sweet kisses,

Natalya Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on Wednesday, 25 April, 2012 in Spam Fighting

 

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The Fashion Of Tomarrow

In the news this week it was reported that the coming months will see the latest fashion trend of fruit and vegetable print dresses. Now, I’m not the most fashion conscious of people I must admit, but the prospect of seeing women walking down the road dressed like a display from a greengrocer’s did make me raise an eyebrow.

But it seems that it is something that we may have to get used to. Here are some designs available soon from the trendiest retailers:

Freshly grown in her allotment

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Posted by on Sunday, 22 April, 2012 in Newsworthy

 

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